Abi

I guessed who the wolf was hella early but Amanda Seyfried had to accuse literally every other character before she put it together. Her goofy ass can have Peter. Personally, I don’t understand that choice, but more Henry for the rest of us 👅 It’s too bad this was so poorly written, it had all the makings of something I would really fw.

Guys, what the frick did I just watch? Stylistically, this thing was right up my alley and that’s where my praise ends. The soundtrack was bad (except Björk), the story was bad, the pacing was bad, (some of) the acting was bad, the ending was bad. Basically, these girls are in an insane asylum where they’re being exploited, abused, and forced into sex work. The main girl, BABY DOLL—who wears infantilizing clothes to match the name— disassociates into these video game like action sequences which would’ve been cool except they were sooooo loooong. And there’s several, so it gets to a point where it’s like, HERE WE GO AGAIN. I literally fell asleep during one of the crazy action sequences because there was so much slow-mo and they all went on and on and on to these stupid song covers that sucked. …But I digress. So, Baby Doll cooks up a plot for her and the girls to escape which hinges on her dancing so sexy the men become hypnotized by her. But part way through the escape plan all the girls are killed (needlessly)  besides Baby Doll and one named Sweet Pea. Then Baby Doll decides to sacrifice herself so Sweet Pea can get out even though Baby Doll is the one who is about to get mf LOBOTOMIZED! And then… she gets a lobotomy.  This is not about overcoming trauma and abuse, this is not some profound story about mental health, this is not about female empowerment, or sticking it to the man. It’s a bunch of fetish content and video game nerdery which ultimately ends poorly for basically every woman involved. Which I guess is par for the course with fetish content and (most) video game nerdery. But if that’s the message, it’s not a strong one. Meanwhile, our lone survivor, Sweet Pea, is down a sister, on a bus to damn Fort Wayne with Baby Doll’s spirit guide????? And Oscar Isaac in evil drag gets arrested but everyone else just gets away with what was done to the girls? Like everyone who was complicit and Baby Doll’s bitch ass ugly ass mooch ass murdering ass stepfather, just? Wins? Get outta my face. EDIT: Oh you thought I was done? No, I read other reviews and I’m back. I read one that said ‘there’s an extended scene where baby doll consents to losing her virginity to the High Roller and therefore takes back the power in that dynamic. (The high roller is the lobotomist) And we know from the lobotomy scene when he’s like ..the look in her eye.. it’s almost like she wanted me to do it, basically she consents to the lobotomy so in the same way she’s taking the power back..’ BULL SHIT. Shut the fuck up with that bull fucking shit garbage you’re-only-the-victim-if-you-allow-yourself-to-be-victimized ass take. OH! if we just *consent *to other people doing terrible fucking shit to us then it’s actually happening on our own terms and that’s empowerment. Hey, how bout consent to my dick in your ear for that dumbass take!! Feel the empowerment!! Hey, how bout coerced consent is not consent!! Thank youuuuu I’m done now

I have a few thoughts 1. You know a film is good when something about it sticks with you, and I’ve been running around like that all day. 2. If this teaches us anything, it’s to never underestimate women with short, eccentric hair cuts. 3. A Tom Selleck mustache is the most powerful and insidious piece of copagana there is. I’m ashamed to say, it damn near had me fooled in act 1… 4. My ideal horror movie is almost more of a suspense/thriller and this fondles those balls just right.

Tech bros will never stop trying to fuck robots until, inevitably, the robot fucks them. Alternatively, Bros will never stop trying to fuck women until, inevitably, the women fuck them.