White Oleander
watched this after beefing up ahh with my mom hit diff. i feel so seen watching this, wydm, i love her—i always do—but i hate her at the same time. there was a scene when susan asked astrid „why did you hate her?” i mean, if i was her, i could never answer that question, cus i didn't know why either but i just know exactly why. i just can not spoke it out loud, even the closest one.
“i know you think im cruel. im only trying to protect you from those people.”
protect from those people who shows me proper love? i'd rather protect myself from you, mother. whenever i reach happiness through my life, you'll ruins it, like i jinx it. and you just said it was ‘protection’? how come? how come it is ‘protection’?
no matter how much she's damaged me, no matter how flawed she is, i know my mother loves me.
the close monologue got me so harshly. she is my mother, she raised me right, she showed me how to love, she took care of me, she do what mothe should've do. i just still feel like, wasn't enough—for me and for her. i just... idk... i can't. she hurt me bad, but i get it, it just... idk, still hope she let me go.