The Green Ray

*“J'ai rien dans la main. Si j'avais des choses à montrer,* *les gens les auraient vues, c'est tout.” ** * WHEN’S IT GONNA BE MY TURN. delphine would definitely be on those tarot card tik toks commenting “claim without sound 444” and she’d be so real for that and i’m right there with her. Real review below: In a way watching french new wave is very spiritual.  There’s a certain quality that hits you with a jolt of vindication and perspective. Delphine is stubborn and lonely— self sabotaging and so relatable. Waiting for love always wanting a romantic connection— wanting that “one good movie kiss” ,so to speak, but never actually taking the steps of acknowledging your present moment and getting intertwined and confused in the psychology of things preterdermined and divine. Wanting more from life not exactly waiting for something to happen to you but not exactly reaching out either.  Limbo is a place on earth when you’re lonely and depressed. *“Tu es une plante”. *I’m no capricorn but the goat and the ram are not too dissimilar. my own stubbornness and impatience do not serve me. The scene in which she spends 5 minutes explaining why she doesn’t eat meat… i’ve never been so seen in my life… it’s these little moments in stories like this that embrace you in a shared experience. A fictional french woman from the 80s basically told me i’m not alone. I think it’s poetic, I do. I don’t expect it to have that much an impact on anyone else but it’s just a personal validation that washed over me. I feel like i have nothing to show for myself much like delphine… that i’m worthless that there is nothing about me to love or to romanticize on… but I will see my green ray soon I know it… i have to! it will happen. but it sure as hell won’t be in Houston fucking Texas GET ME OUT OF HEREEEE my soul doesn’t belong here. god fucked my shit uppp bad like we all know that my place is not here in this god awful suburban hell. my green ray is not here Im wasting away. I’ve done nothing with my life—but there’s someone and something out there for me. It will be right when it’s right but what action or inaction do i take. i’m unsure. buttt… c’est la vie.