Pearl

everytime i hear pearl saying: "So pathetic. Do people like you ever feel this way? I figure you don't. You seem so perfect all the time. Lord must've been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why. What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please, just tell me so maybe I can get better. I don't want to end up like Mama. I want to be dancing up on the screen like the pretty gals in the pictures. I want what they have so badly, to be perfect, to be loved from as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and the fear washes over me, 'cause what if this is it? What if this is right where I belong? I'm a failure. I'm not pretty or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what Mama said I was, weak. I don't know why. What did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you." i feel that