Carter Moyer

HAUNTING. Beautiful. Tragic. By far one of the best films I’ve ever seen, and despite being 3 hours long, I felt like it flew by. I was riveted in every scene. The cinematography is so modern, the simultaneous translation is genius, the monologues are profound and emotional, the portrait of the German people is human and grounded and no less critical.  love Marlene Dietrich in everything she’s in, what a true star. Spencer Tracy is deeply human and moral. Maximillian Schell is electric. How can this not be required viewing in all high schools?

That first half is absolute garbage, arguably more infuriating than even *Far From Home*. No support from other heroes, Damage Control somehow detaining everyone for no reason, lamp shading Nick Fury being away with absolutely no follow up, and then Matthew Murdoch coming out of retirement purely as a cameo to deflate that entire issue. Then a stupid obsession and expectation of getting into MIT, botching how college acceptances are delivered, then somehow saying it’s because of controversy except the dean is stalked by Peter and realizes he’s a hero (Spiderman who fought Thanos). Perhaps the biggest character assassination is Dr. Strange, suggesting a memory wiping spell then giving no context, briefing, or discussion about it, then messing it up, then leaving Peter to fix it. When a spell is dimension-altering/breaking, that’s insane to suggest as a first measure. What the hell. The rest of the film, I’m torn. The villains are fine. Spoilers? (Even as someone who steers clear of spoilers, I’ve never seen a film lean into them more). Doc Oc and Norman are actually great. Electro is flattened, obviously because his incarnation was dogshit. Sandman, Lizard…eh? Dr Strange then suggesting they die, Peter imprisoning him in the mirror dimension, and then Aunt May all of a sudden leaning into this “helping” mood? Very sudden and out of character throughout, especially as Peter both doesn’t want them to die and then doesn’t want to deal with it either. The one thing that was kept a secret from me…fell flat? It didn’t hit as hard as it was done in the other movies, and it’s odd moving this part of the story here rather than at his character origin. It just feels underexplored too. The last act, it’s definitely cathartic to get some closure with these characters, especially Garfield. Hot take, I think Toby is better here than any of his own films, even if the sauce isn’t there. But Garfield is still great, a bit more dazed than quippy but good enough. Saving MJ…thank you, he needed that. Statue of ~~Liberty~~ Captain America? Dumb. Too static. I didn’t notice it watching each individually, but all of MCU Spiderman movies feel super static. He’s never trying to get anywhere, the scene just stays put. Contrast this to TASM crane scene or SP2 subway scene, and the setting is actually moving. And those all feel far more **New York.** The closest we get in this is the very beginning, a brief 2-second subway scene, a condo building(?) and the absolute end. Pitiful. MCU Spiderman is washed. I cannot believe how Jon Watts made Spiderman both boring and world-ending. When the fights are set in space or across dimensions rather than just around the city, Spiderman loses part of his character. The obvious counter to this is *Into the Spiderverse* which **obviously** served as not-so-subtle inspiration for this film, but those all anchor NYC and the inter-character dynamic far more, whereas being part of the MCU and especially the Avengers kills Holland’s incarnation. Here’s hoping *Brand New Day* fixes that…

Despite the camp of the Raimi trilogy, this feels by far like the most kids-movie Spiderman. Tom Holland plays a younger-feeling Peter, and while clearly we’ve skipped over the origin story, Spiderman is still in his early days. There’s potential there! But it feels far too PG, too *suburban, *Ned’s character feels more middle school coded, and the romance is lame that it might as well have been cut. Keaton’s character is done well. Not great, but it helps to justify the bad relationship. His class-conflict speech rings hollow when, as Glover says, he’s selling weapons to dangerous people. DC was pointless, Spiderman belongs in NY. Tony’s dynamic is interesting, and it’s hinted he’s really looking after Peter even if he’s blowing but by not involving him in anything. But his presence swallows the whole film because it’s so obvious he’s part of something bigger. By being part of the MCU and introduced in Civil War rather than his own movie, it’s much harder to cultivate a true neighborhood Spiderman feel. Bring back vlogging, though. Should have been a bigger element throughout.

We somehow turned up the blockbuster action elements from the first TASM with a fight happening every 10 minutes. The chemistry eternal Peter and Gwen is so good here (even if it makes no sense interviewing for Oxford after graduation), and I appreciate how Gwen just cuts through the bullshit so we’re not playing a ton of miscommunication games. Chemistry between Peter and Harry isn’t bad either, but it sucks how there’s no backstory there, no buildup, Harry just comes back as kind of evil, Oscorp is insane. And I’m sorry but Electro sucks so bad, sorry Jamie. Just terrible. Plus wild to me how Green Goblin shows up at the very end and then it’s “resolved” in 5 minutes. Terrible pacing. It’s just all over the place and they really needed an editor and a script doctor in here. Which sucks because again, Garfield and Stone are amazing. This is also the first Spiderman movie I really remember seeing marketing for. And I remember even then being turned off by how weird everything was presented, especially Electro. “Villains unite” my ass.