Blue

Movies that Made Me: Loneliness, Longing and Lesbians “You broke up with him, so the number one slot is vacant. When someone else comes, you’ll put him there. But you’ll always be the one I love the most.” For my 77th (my favorite number) watch of the year, I wanted something that was almost guaranteed to be good. I went through my watchlist and found this, a movie I didn’t even remember adding to it. I read the synopsis, found it on YouTube and went “what the hell, sure”. What I expected was a cute little film about highschool romance. Instead, what I got was a pile of 13 tissues soaked with tears and a film that feels like it flipped the camera around towards me and called me out on every single thing I’ve ever done. I don’t like to get especially personal on here, but I don’t think I could accurately review this film without sharing a few details about my life. My love life is a mess, I’ve said “I love you” to various people, and I’ve almost never meant it. When I enter conversations in a group of almost any size, I tend to clam up and just space out. I’m a relatively antisocial person, so one of the very few outlets I have is art. I don’t get along with my peers, despite how hard I try. I’m very lonely. With that being said, I’ve had my moments where I felt each of those things dissolve away, feeling what I assume(d) to be love. When you’re young, you’ll meet someone who’s fun, someone who breaks your perception of what other people CAN be. They’ll be a rule breaker, engage in self destructive habits and probably have a messy history. You’ll meet your Endo. I met my Endo once, I’ve seen my friends met their’s and are still facing the consequences that. I was someone’s Endo once and the guilt I feel has been crushing me for years. On a technical level, this film is just mind blowing. The cinematography is just incredible, perfectly capturing that feeling of silence and emptiness that truly makes this film. I’ve never seen a movie speak so little yet say so much. So many of the best scenes have almost no dialogue, 10+ second pauses between lines and no visible facial expressions, yet it only seems to enhance the film. Isolation is a major theme in this film, and I truly think no film has ever expressed loneliness and longing better than this.* *