Persona

"say nothing. Cut a candle. A kind of otherness. Not now. No, no. Warning and outside time. Unforeseen. When it wasn’t supposed to happen, it didn’t, so… failure. You stand there, but i should do it. Not inward, no. Say collect and advise others. A desperate maybe. I take, yes… but what is closest? What’s it called? no, no, no. Us, we, me, I. Many words and then disgust, unbearable pain, the nausea." * *The only part of the flying monologue I couldn’t grasp. Whenever I don’t quite get something, I rewrite it to hear my thoughts reclaim the speech, perform an act. An actress who’s destined to go mute, senseless to external perception. The last time I saw a lover of mine was at my father’s summer house in the mountains. Mutual emotional torment turned into a scene from an old black and white film. Crushing encounter of a speechless sadist and a fed up sociopath. A nurse that begs her patient to speak, yet I can’t. A nurse that threatens her patient with a pot of boiling water, and all i do is laugh. Now I know what was running through her mind, stabbed and relentlessly injured by my being: many words and then disgust, unbearable pain, the nausea.