Aftersun

there’s so much to say about Aftersun; watching Calum silently battle his mental illness(es) to protect Sophie, how this trip was the beginning of Sophie’s coming of age and how it was the end of Calum’s journey, how deeply and profoundly he loved her and how amazing of a father he was despite his flaws, what the Under Pressure dance scene and club scenes represented as we see only flashes of Calum through adult Sophie’s eyes, the way she calls out to him and how they dance/wrestle as she tries to hold onto his memory but he eventually slips out of her grasp, and the little hints throughout that  foreshadowed his tragic, premature passing that, at least i only, pieced together retrospectively after finishing the film completely. the hints were so subtle and i was so immersed in the story and watching the beautiful chemistry between Paul and Frankie, that i overlooked his mental health, which is typically how loved ones feel after someone commits suicide. moments as little as him saying, “i didn’t even think i’d make it to 30” or his somber reaction to everyone singing him Happy Birthday, to louder signs like him being destructive and walking out into the dark water or his breakdown in the hotel room really tied his story together. i think also i share so much with Sophie in my upbringing but the relationship she has with Calum is so different from my relationship with my dad and it was really hard (and beautiful) watching the love they shared while drawing parallels between my life and wondering why, despite coming from the same circumstances, my relationship with my dad didn’t turn out the same. i’ve never seen something like this, it was so profound and poignant and melancholic and stunning. everything from the performances to the linear storyline which is cut periodically with the club scenes to the long meditative silences was perfect. this is now one of my favorite movies and i am now a solidified Paul Mescal groupie.