Mysterious Skin

now, as i'm writing this review, i can't bring myself to stop crying. this movie is so beautiful, even more than young Joseph Gordon-Levitt—and by that you can understand how much it actually means to me. it is so interesting and captivating and, at the same time, poignant and frustrating, you just can't take your eyes off of the screen. i can't believe that i'm watching this only now, but i'm glad i finally did. “Once i'm gone, you'll be all Neil has, and you have to understand one thing: where normal people have a heart, Neil McCormick has a bottomless black hole. And if you don't watch out, you can fall and get lost forever.” i don't think Neil didn't have a heart, it was just caged in a cell that no one could see. no one could understand, no one could even imagine what it meant. just him and Brian could. the final scene wrenched my soul, especially when i heard the carolers. now, i just want to scream out my lungs in anger and sorrow. my poor boys, i love them so much. my trauma response resonated a lot with Neil's. i do the same—i treat the situation as something that didn't actually have had a big impact on me, i detach myself from it, not realizing how much it still affects my daily life. i lowkey want to disappear now “I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past, but there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent... and try to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked-up suffering in the world and, it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind... rise like two angels in the night and magically, disappear.”