Will

“Now, d*o you prefer Margret or Satan’s Mistress. We’ve heard it both ways.*”

“Our High School Musical!”

so I find it very hard to say what this movie has made me feel and made me feel as though I need to do. i’m sure I can go back and get my quotes on a second watch, but I certainly don’t have them here. I think most of the movies that I say make up my soul deal with myself or the relationship I have with my family, so this is the first movie that in addition to those things also oddly strongly moved me on the relationship I have with my friends. and I’ve certainly felt like this with a lot of the movies about myself and my family, but I have never needed to put those feelings here because my parents are not here and i’m myself but; My friends are here. and it’s movies like Speed Racer and nights like this in which I remember how much my stomach hurt and how much my throat hurt and my nose burned and my throat was dry and it smelled awful. and it’s weird to me that when I see a movie like this in which I feel myself or my family or my friends that since then that’s what I think about, but I think it’s because it makes me realize that I would’ve missed that movie and that night and those people. and this all even as I type feels very childish and cringe, but I don’t think the feelings will ever go away in their entirety but and I don’t remember the quote obviously but he says something like you have to find the reason that you’re driving and perhaps the reasons that I’m driving is my friends, my family and myself. Because I certainly hug my family a lot and tell them I love them a lot, but I don’t tell my friends i love them or hug my friends a lot cause a shameful fear of mine is making them uncomfortable. but I did hug one tonight and it felt like i hugged all of them. and perhaps I’m rather naïve and I do wear a lot of my emotions towards my friends on my sleeve and give away how I feel not only about them but about how i feel about me and they do see it, even though I like to think I don’t, but I do love all of them very much and often find myself wishing i told them more. including the ones i don’t even see physically anymore. while I see myself and my relationship with my parents in this movie, it feels paramount to specifically document the way in which it made me feel about my friends. and I already know that I’ll delete this when I wake up and archive it in my Notes app right next to the one that I’m proud to not have opened for half a year in a few weeks but I want for a brief space in time, even if it’s ephemeral for there to be something that as I move forward, catches a glimpse publicly of the beauty in my life that is my friends of the present and forever. Update: it’s almost 20 hrs later and i don’t think I want this to be fleeting. i think i want it to stay