Gabriel

Is it possible that a child won't resent a mother who resents herself? And exactly how much resentment is one able to hold against a parent? The mother is a sacred, loving and love-deserving entity that shall never be opposed, as she is certainly never wrong. But what happens when that's not how it works? How can you look at your mother and see nothing but a tyrant? And how will you grow up when you have all these thoughts and feelings that must not be shared in respect of the authority? And it gets worse: your mother is oftentimes so calm, dedicated and loving, but there is still something missing. Sometimes she might give in to her dissatisfaction and a fight would occur, but even when it doesn't happen, you're the one unsatisfied. You hate yourself for hating a mother that tries so hard, but trying doesn't always mean succeeding, and it's a shame sons and daughters ought to grow up with such a strong self-hatred and other negative feelings just because a mother shall never be opposed. Ingrid Bergman and Liv Ullmann are the most powerful acting duo i've ever seen. It doesn't seem as if they're performing, it's almost a found-footage documentary. Combine that with spectacular writing, with the male Bergman's authoral existentialist themes, and amazing shots that trap you inside the environment, and you have my new favorite film. It's been nearly 3 years since i had my Bergman "hyperfixation", but for some reason i've delayed my first "Autumn Sonata" first watch so much that for the last couple weeks i've been searching for and thinking of it obsessively. It's the kind of film that will hit anyone who has ever experienced a similar relationship with a mother. I've been on and off at it with my own since late 2023, but it used to be a very constant situation, and it still happens sometimes. The fear Eva mentions during the argument, the self-hatred and one of my favorite quotes from the film "You had taken charge of all the words in our home", those are all very real, overwhelming feelings that makes this masterpiece immediately resonate with me. Ironically, despite not being all the time on good terms with my mother, learning that i can, in fact, stand up for myself when needed, made our relationship get a lot better, just like Eva.

"C'est triste de s'endormir. Ça sépare les gens. Même quand on dort ensemble, on est tout seul."