Leon Mitchell

Directed flawlessly, scripted flawlessly, and acted flawlessly. There really is no other way to put it: flawless. I could throw every synonym in the dictionary at it, but I’d just end up saying flawless again. I’ve never liked Jesse Eisenberg, but he’s absolutely fantastic here and perfectly cast as Mark Zuckerberg. His naturally unlikeable, awkward, smug demeanour makes him ideal for the role, and this performance finally pulled him out of the “next Michael Cera” box. After this, what an insult that comparison was to him. Could a film about Facebook really be better than Fincher’s authentic Fight Club, his unforgettable and atmospheric Se7en, or his deeply intellectual Zodiac? Absolutely. It’s remarkably relevant, effortlessly brilliant, and somehow manages to make the creation of a website into compelling drama. It shouldn’t work, but the screenplay, performances, and dialogue—never failing to be witty, sharp, or sincere—make it work spectacularly. A modern classic.

Overall, pretty mediocre but not offensive. I don’t really like stuff that focuses on aliens because it inevitably means tons of CGI, and unfortunately this one leans heavily into it. They’ve brought back the wraparound story again, which is as dull and useless as ever, doing little more than padding out the runtime and dragging the film down. There’s plenty of gore throughout, but not much in the way of an actual story. It’s perfectly fine overall, with two fun segments and one interesting one, alongside a pretty shit segment and a bizarre one that doesn’t feel like it belongs in the film at all. Segment 1 — Stork: Really fun. It doesn’t make much sense, but the great gore and chainsaw action more than make up for that. Segment 2 — Dream Girl: This one sucks. It clearly has something to say, but it’s incredibly surface-level and poorly executed. It ends up being more laughable than scary. Segment 3 — Live and Let Dive: Another fun time. It’s fast-paced and pretty gory, although the effects can look shoddy at times. Given the segment’s heavy focus on aliens, though, the reliance on CGI is to be expected. Segment 4 — Fur Babies: No aliens in this one, which is a strange decision considering the theme of the film. It’s bizarre and kind of annoying, it shows the effects of Tusk(2014) on Justin Long. It doesn’t really belong in the film at all. Segment 5 — Stowaway: The most interesting segment and probably the best story of the bunch, but the filming style makes it unnecessarily difficult to watch. [VHS Franchise Ranked](https://boxd.it/XzUB0)

Very atmospheric, but it’s more of a pop culture phenomenon than a genuinely scary film. I never really understood what the protagonists were actually investigating, because the tales told by the townsfolk are all so contradictory and unconvincing. It’s more than just a film, though; it’s almost a hoax in itself, and its success was largely built on word-of-mouth hype at the time and the website created to propagate the myth that it was real. The Blair Witch Project is a one-of-a-kind film, and for that reason alone, I respect it.

Who thought it was a good idea to make the most charismatic, widely liked, and fun-to-root-for character a raging paedophile rapist who looks like a 90-year-old’s uncircumcised genitalia? (I know it was kind of hinted at in the original he was a pedo, but in this one it’s confirmed and that’s his main trait). On top of that, the makeup completely removes any ability for the character to show expression. Bayer definitely accomplished his goal of draining away the fun of the franchise, but somehow also managed to drain away the fear, dread, and tension. It was always going to be one of the most difficult roles to play, but making Freddy look like that certainly didn’t help Haley. The few kills that are actually decent are essentially ripped straight from the original, only without any of the artistry or creativity that made them memorable in the first place. The acting is dreadful, the direction feels completely clueless, and with the film being neither scary nor fun, it’s ultimately a complete waste of time. [A Nightmare on Elm Street Ranked ](https://boxd.it/VyXSS)