Vive L'Amour

Chantal Akerman, Edward Yang, Khalik Allah, Jacques Rivette, and now Tsai Ming-liang are the filmmakers who currently inspire me during my early development as a filmmaker. All these filmmakers naturally bring deep insight into my cinematic obsessions.  This is also a very consistent lineup defined by the abstraction of urbanized spaces being utilized to explore the paradox of collective alienation and marginalization. The materialization of (literal) social structures develops a communal society of coexistence while systematically isolating the individual; thus, these artists illustrate how collective development undermines community, as the preservation of community requires a population of individuals. The institutionalized nature of social structures fosters an environment that is unable to recognize individuality. In turn, connection is lost as it is unknowingly redefined by the masses.  The cognitive dissonance of social programming: a population acutely aware of the lack of connection being held between each other, of loneliness, of emptiness, of aimlessness; yet, these structures render us unable to confront that reality. We fall for touch, we fall for proximity, we fall for the beauty, we fall for contentment, we fall for domesticity, we fall for community, we fall for the illusion. In these institutionalized spaces, interpersonal connection has been redefined without the opportunity for humanity to grasp that redefinition, leaving us to unconsciously feed the very systems that marginalize us from one another. The adherence to established social structures in a setting designed to promote antisocial behavior allows that behavior the necessary space to thrive. In a time without touch, proximity cannot equate to intimacy. We have created distance between ourselves, which feels inevitable due to the absence of physicality. We exist conceptually, clinging to any recognizable identity like a drug. All this nerd shit is to say that I’m fucking lonely. The relationship between my disability and my marginalization is odd because, just as these social structures have materialized into metaphorical meaning, it feels as if my disability—the main driver of my marginalization from these structures—serves as a materialization of the marginalized experience. The inability to speak is exemplified by social structures that already exist to produce silence among minority groups. Existing as a void, a blank canvas, the perception of others becomes the only form of social definition available to me. The regulation and eventual erasure of personal expression leaves me clinging to narratives written by the oppressor. It’s a lifelong experience of social conditioning that suppresses the voice I never had to begin with. I cling to all these attachments, forever being dissatisfied when people who are blind to my experience fail to fill the void their presence created in the first place. I am addicted to proximity—the false perception of intimacy that I end up abusing to achieve a sense of normalcy in a system that dehumanizes me. I know it’ll never work. I know that I’m dependent on this feeling of hurt. I know I’m just chasing relief when I should start redefining how I view things, dismantling all these narratives that they have fed to me. I got that cognitive dissonance. Just another minority institutionalized. Urbanized images are inherently oppressive due to what they represent. All these filmmakers are aware of this. Yet, there’s nothing more beautiful to me than a city. It’s paradoxical. The idealization of community and the embrace of humanity, when I have been rejected by the very same society I find myself drawn to. Without self-realization, this obsession with interpersonal connection is self-destructive. It’s a sick joke. The social ideal of connection has been perverted by the misguided desire for development and capital under a neoliberal state.  So yeah…. Vive L’amour is a decent movie. It’s okayyyy (Side note: I have BPD, and these characters just felt like more subdued versions of elements of my experience with the disorder, which makes sense given the film is about interpersonal relationships in the midst of dehumanization. The obsession, the depression, the emptiness of intimacy—allat shit was extremely impactful for me)