Rivals

fuck this stupid fucking tv show for ever letting me think there would be a positive lesbian story amongst all the straight ones or even an actual lesbian relationship i wish they could see how excited I was when I realised Monica might actually be falling for Enid and how I rewatched every single scene they were in together and how excited I was for them to build a relationship and for it to develop and grow in the rest of the season and when in this episode claire rushbrook delivered that gorgeous monologue about loving someone who "wasn't allowed to love her back" maybe I should have realised what it really was maybe I should have realised that her finally maybe mentioning her potential queerness was the nail in her fucking coffin and now I feel like an idiot for hoping she could ever survive after eventually deciding to divorce her husband and stand up for herself I really should have seen it coming that the moment she decided to be herself separate from a man she would be killed off because it's all that ever happens anyway I hoped but now I'm sat on the floor sobbing knowing that we'll never see her happy whilst the rest of them continue doing whatever they want freely cause they're all either straight or men Also the worst part was the fucking audacity of the ending Katherine Parkinson's character stealing Monica's story for her book, and them then taking that v/o about a "lost love from her past" and twisting it so it was about Katherine Parkinson with stupid fucking danny dyer i hate this show and I feel stupid for ever believing in it and I'm never watching it again (may delete this but writing it has helped me stop crying so)