Half Nelson

I was really scared this movie was going to pivot in a direction I wouldn't like, but instead, I found myself crying multiple times through watching it. Ryan Gosling's performance as Dan Dunne was absolutely heartwrenching and perfectly executed. The intimate camerawork throughout the film really elevates the sense of loneliness and helplessness that Ryan conveys with his acting. This "I can't change" mindset his character has throughout the film, directly contrasts his desperate need to keep Drey from going down the same path that he did because he knows he's supposed to do something, even going out of his way to try to keep someone he sees and knows as a bad influence away from her even though he fails. The problem however with this, ironically considering how much he teaches about it to his students, it's that change doesn't happen unless you push for it, and Dan isn't pushing for it. He believes he can't change, so he doesn't try to push to change, even though he sees people that he used to know change from their past lifestyles like his ex-girlfriend. Dan can't even see how much he means to his students either, that when he isn't there, they're immediately asking when he will be back or what happened to him. This is a man who thinks so deeply that he's alone in life, that it makes him ruin himself. This movie as an entirety feels so raw and painful from the very first scene when Drey finds Dan in the bathroom and you can feel his panic and desperation in the camerawork to when he shows up drunk and high to Isabel's apartment, searching for human connection and fucking it up badly. Then, when Dan's at his parent's for dinner, he looks so separated from everyone else, likes he's not really in the moment but only experiencing it like a spectator. It's not entirely his fault either, it's clear that his family doesn't really understand him despite saying they love him constantly, that when he calls out to his mother before leaving that she isn't paying attention to him despite just speaking to him moments ago. Then, in the garage, when Dan asks Cindy what she likes about his brother, it's almost like he's begging her to tell him what his brother's doing that he isn't. In particular, the scene where he's dancing with Isabel and the scene where he's giving Drey the drug money fucked me up. When he's dancing with Isabel, it feels so close and calm, it's something that he wants but something he can't have due to his addiction. Then the scene where Dan's giving Drey the drug money, it makes me feel exposed. They don't even say anything but the look Dan had on his face says it all, how messed up everything became and how beyond saving he feels, it's a coin flip on the white savior trope that's done like a knife to the chest. My stupidly idealistic heart wants to say this movie had a hopeful ending. The fact that Drey rejected Frank's offer of a ride home so she could instead see Dan and get him home, I'd like to think means she won't help him sell anymore drugs. I'd also like to say that Dan shaving his face symbolizes the idea of him trying to turn a new leaf. He always gives his students a second chance and I think it's time that he gave himself one too.