MechaniChris

*Me after casually telling my journalist buddy secret information about the biggest news story of the year: *You’re not, like, gonna tell anyone about all that right?

I’m such a rube for these movies but God do I love them. It’s like key jangling with the best keys! Real shiny and colorful.  I do genuinely think this movie functions better than the first, which is loosely held together at best. It also does a surprisingly good job at navigating the story beats of: Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros 2, Super Mario World, Super Mario World 2 Yoshi’s Island, (briefly the original Donkey Kong???), Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Mario Galaxy 2, and Super Mario Odyssey. All these games are thrown into a blender and mixed together and—whoops dropped some Star Fox in there too. Aw well, might as well throw in the rest of the ingredients for the next batch.  Anyway, if you don’t like baby movies for babies, this probably won’t win you over. But if you do! Oh ho ho boy, this is king baby. Wart is in it! Not like a cameo, he’s like FULLY a character in the movie. Wild.

You know what more sex thrillers need? The computer graphics VR sequence from Lawnmower Man.

“No it was perfect, I just… I never realized John Wayne walked that way.”