Arrival
The first time I saw this film it was in 9th grade. My friend and I were looking for a movie to watch at the theaters because we were bored and saw this was out. My exact words to him were,”You want to see this? I heard it’s got aliens in it and it’s pretty good.” Little did I know it was not an alien action film, but instead a character drama that happened to have aliens in it. My friend and I were blown away by this movie, but I remember it being because we thought,”Woooooah the beginning of the movie is actually the end.” Any deeper meaning of the film or emotional impact was lost on me. Despite that, I called the film my favorite movie ever.
I’ve since seen the film 4 or 5 times and still absolutely loved it each time. However, it fell from my favorite film, to somewhere in my top 5, to top 10, to it’s a 5 star film but I’m not sure where I’d put it. I intellectually understand the commentary of the film as I got older and rewatched it over and over, but I didn’t “emotionally”understand the film though.
Well tonight was the first time I’ve seen it in a couple years. I’m a father now and this movie had a completely different effect on me. I can’t help but see my own daughter when viewing this. I can’t help but ask myself the questions the film asks, like “Is life worth the suffering?”, “If you knew how your life would play out, would you change anything?”
My daughter has had a profound impact on the way I think about and view life. When I found out she was coming, I was excited but scared as most new parents are. I had no idea how I would handle being a father or how she would “fit in” to my busy life and all the big life changes happening right when she’d be born. Now that time has passed, I hate myself for having those worries. I hate that I was ever upset or even worried for a second about her impact on my life. I love her, and I know God put her in my life exactly when she needed to be. I can not imagine my life without her. She is everything to me. So when I watch this movie, and imagine myself in this situation with my daughter, I’m destroyed. My daughter is still itty bitty, but I can still ask myself if I could I give up these first precious moments and months I’ve had with her knowing her terrible fate? Would I choose to have her knowing these precious moments, the amazing things she’ll experience and bring to the world over the coming years, all while knowing her life would be cut short? In no world would I choose not to have her. Watching Amy Adams make that choice, while also knowing she is constantly experiencing and anticipating the agony of her daughter’s death, knowing it’ll be worth the suffering (not just for her selfishly wanting to have a daughter, but so her daughter can experience life itself), is beautiful, tragic, and profound. Life is worth living, and life itself is so invaluable. Life is full of suffering and hardship, but that doesn’t remove its value. This movie is absolutely heart wrenching to watch now.