ObiJuan

I’ve been hating on you since the day I watched you, I hate you, how could you waste Nicholas Cage making random noises and wearing insane outfits? That’s a formula for an instant 3.5 stars, and you somehow managed to just make me angry, bored, confused as to how any FBI agent has a job, and you had the audacity to turn a good idea into a Satanic worship “Ooo look how edgy I am” dumpster fire.  I hope everyone involved in this movie (except for the beautiful Nicholas Cage) gets ecoli from bad romaine lettuce

How did I make it 22 years of existence on this plane without having viewed this Mona Lisa of cinema

Only reason it isn’t 5 is because it took me 30 minutes to get fully invested in the plot

I’m normally a sucker for cheesy rom coms, this was neither romantic or comedic, but had cheesy. Also I have never seen Mike Meyers act well outside of Shrek, and even then he’s not great