Sentimental Value

“Why didn’t our childhood ruin you?”* * “I had you.” (a conversation I had with my sister, in a superficial, non-existent world) what the fuck 😭😭😭 IS THIS FUCKING PLAY ABOUT US ?! /lh this made me feel the worst I have ever felt in my entire life (in the best way possible) it broke my heart and made it cry at the same time with tenderness 😕 this is such a breathtaking piece! I felt melancholic (and weirdly nostalgic…) the entire time I watched it, and even the tiniest details made it more beautiful (everyone’s performance made me love it even more). RAAAAAAHG THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BUT GOOD THINGS IT MADE ME CRY BUT IN A GOOD WAY I WILL REWATCH THIS I WILL LOVE THIS 5EVER (can I also just say how the code switching between the characters in the film and them conversing in Swedish and Norwegian somehow made it more intimate, home-y and delicate DOES THAT MAKE SENSE) "it's like her sadness is such an overwhelming part of her. it's a beautiful thing, but I can't tell if that's just the cause of everything, or is it a symptom of something deeper." :) somehow, this brings me back to my parents —my mom to be specific, she never was open about anything that was related to her childhood, any questions I had she only seldom indulged in (she was also good with deflecting and changing the topic haha) and my dad, like my mom, wasn’t open, but he indulged in my questions more than she did. I guess it made me realize how truly little I know about my parents and that while they have known me all my life, I have only known so little of them —for who they once were and who they are now. I have yet to make peace with the fact that I will never truly, and really know who they are, and as hard as that is on me, it’s also something I have to accept (and make peace with) because who they are once that they refused to share is how I also am towards them, and I have to eventually learn to at least acknowledge that the parents they were towards me and my older siblings were probably the ones they needed, but never had. I have long accepted the fact that they can never truly change (and I don’t mean this in a 100% negative way), because the fraction that I only know of them only tells me so much, and no matter what I say, to, or even attempt to explain, I will never, in a million years, truly understand them. and what they went through and everything that they are, maybe they just want it to exist in that time and space where it was just theirs alone. That’s why as a human being, I have so much empathy for them (just as how I learnt to have empathy for Stellan’s character), but as a daughter, I carry so much [feelings] towards them (that’s why Nora and Agnes made me feel sooooo much) (I love love looove how Renate and Inga brought Nora and Agnes to life here, their scene in the bedroom about their childhood had me ugly sobbing haha) /cries in youngest (UGH ALSO Elle’s scene where she reads the dialogue is also beautiful, she did so well!!) I have a lot to say pa but I don’t want to make it long anymore AAAAAAA I loved and appreciated this film a little bit more than I had expected because despite the feelings and memories it made me remember and the realizations I had, admittedly, it made me feel less alone than I usually am. :)