Lilya 4-ever

I'm actually crying so fucking hard this is the first film that has made me cry since I was like 12. It's not fair. I genuinely just cannot even put any words together, the bond between Lilya and Volodya moved me so much because they only had each other. And the parallels between Lilya's mother and Andrei abandoning her, between "we're going without you" and "you're going without me" the minute Andrei mentioned a fake passport and having troubles at the border my heart sank, everything became cold and I could FEEL the impending doom coming. What kills me is Lilya believing Sweden was her chance for a new life :(( And also Volodya carrying around that deflated basketball made me sad. Everything about this film is tragic, at first I wasn't sure about it based on the film not necessarily looking what most would seem "aesthetic"? When it comes to Cinematography, but I do think the close ups and handheld camera work represents this film so well: cold, bleak and so so so sad. Many shots were so uncomfortable like SO BADLY but I do suppose this film doesn't sugarcoat any of it. Foreign Film has such a special quality to it that I really don't think a lot of Western films have. I was rooting for Lilya so badly for her to get the life she wanted, to live, but I do think what's deeply beautiful is Volodya being her angel and doing everything to bring determination into her life. The door is unlocked after not being locked properly and she doesn't want to move, she just wants to sleep, and by this point she doesn't want to live...Once she gets that motivation to leave for her escape, she goes onto the bridge, then Volodya says to her: "You remain dead for all eternity, but you're alive only for a brief moment." I think that's beautiful. I also think in a way it was deeply symbolic that despite her escape, she decides to end her life on the bridge - both that it's cyclicle to Volodya near the start of the film - but also because in this moment she has that control over how she does this, with having the entire world around her, despite everything it's done to her. I started crying so much when she was in that ambulance I didn't know what to expect...Then she joins Volodya, in a way when she joins him and gets her wings, maybe this will be her happy ending as bleak as it sounds, she won't have to endure her suffering. I won't forget this film, it hurts even more to think this is inspired by the case of Danguolė Rasalaitė, may she forever rest in peace 🕊️❤️‍🩹