Heretic

if i wasn’t already 10ft deep into my personal religious deconstruction process (big three, yay), i fear this might have kickstarted it i’ve stared at my letterboxd blankly for long minutes, trying to review this movie (like any self respecting patron would /j); while i started to subconsciously trace back my steps and try to figure out what started my religious journey.  nothing mr. reed claims in this is a particularly “new” thought or idea to me. “religion is control”, “the illusion of choice”, “belief or disbelief” — i’ve thought about these things many times, more often than i can count.  but to be frank, this hit home. like really, after the credits started rolling, i felt like i have been punched in the gut. so many years i have defined myself over my faith, over what i was taught i should believe in by my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on. i still have religious symbols around me, in my bedroom, and i can’t really part with them. i still cling to what i wholeheartedly believed was true — cling to “the one true religion”.  on some days i still wonder what i will be (what i am) without my faith.  rationally speaking, i know, that i’m still me. i have my dreams, my skills, my values, my morals; and they don’t necessarily align with what i’ve been taught.  but losing such a big part of my identity? i don’t know if i’m really ready for it