anna

0 stars i hated it “horror movie” you can tell within the first 10 minutes who’s gonna die NIKKI’S ANNOYING ASS BEAR???? 😭😭 this entire situation could’ve been avoided if this man possessed one ounce of courage and simply said “hey nikki, i like you.” instead he chose literally every possible option EXCEPT communicating with the woman he likes and now everybody has to suffer because apparently having a conversation was too frightening man or bear? i’m siding with a **MAN** “be a man” clearly isn’t available in his skill tree because SIR STAND UP you liked her. tell her you liked her. accept whatever answer she gives you. GO HOME. nikki somehow managed to make me increasingly irritated every time she appeared bear literally just had to tell nikki he liked her

**captain america is hot but johnny storm knows he’s hot and unfortunately that makes the situation significantly worse for me** honestly?? i loved it idc 😭 first and most importantly: JOHNNY STORM apparently before chris evans became captain america he was running around being hot, cocky, reckless, setting himself on fire, and enjoying every fucking second of having powers. unfortunately for me he is hot here too johnny discovering he can literally turn himself into a human torch and immediately deciding this is the coolest thing that has ever happened to him??? exactly how a normal person should react to getting superpowers. everybody else is having an existential crisis and johnny is like WAIT LOOK WHAT ELSE I CAN DO!! the final fight was FANTASTIC. finally everybody working together and actually using their individual powers in ways that complement each other??? THAT’S WHAT I CAME FOR. johnny FLYING? him launching himself through the city, setting himself completely on fire and using the flames to get away?? the CGI though it was 2005 some of those effects have aged like milk sitting directly in the sun but i’m willing to forgive because i was ENTERTAINED. as someone who regularly hates movies, that is the highest honor i can give

honestly 7 stars because i saw this in 4dx and spent half the movie trying not to slide out of my fucking seat!!! THIS is tom holland’s best spider-man performance. depressed, lonely, overwhelmed peter parker??? yes. his sensory overloads??? PEAK. finally this man is miserable in the exact way i need spider-man to be!!! the action was SO good and 4DX made it even better! the hulk scene??? i was fighting for my LIFE. at some point i stopped watching peter fight hulk because apparently i was also fighting hulk. this is absolutely a movie that needs to be watched in 4DX MJ somehow figuring out peter is spider-man again and kissing him had me SHOOK. i was so proud like YESSSS my smart competent MJ!!! you don’t remember peter parker but somehow you still figured his ass out!!! just kidding. THAT’S JEAN GREY. oh. MJ is dating FLASH??? disgusting! peter parker has already lost everything and apparently the universe decided he needed one additional personal attack. frank SHOOTING peter and nearly killing him??? spider-man has fought aliens, monsters, supervillains and THANOS just to almost get taken out by a man with a fucking gun. NED AND PETER’S SECRET HANDSHAKE 💔 the fact that ned automatically remembers how to do it even when he doesn’t remember peter??? SICK. also jean grey doing psychic shit while being played by sadie sink had me thinking about stranger things the entire time. girl i know what you are peter having to choose between peter parker or spider-man only to decide he wants BOTH??? exactly. he deserves to have a fucking life AND be spider-man. also peter parker having this entire existential crisis while wearing JUICY SWEATPANTS. cinema!! and i’m sorry but every spider-man movie just makes me think: *it’ll always be new york or nowhere!! new york will always be loved and superior* spider-man being a new yorker makes perfect sense. everybody is annoying. we hate everybody. everybody needs to get the fuck out of our way. but the second something actually happens, suddenly everybody is helping everybody. throughout ny in spider-man movies while thinking about these movies existing in a post-9/11 world always hits differently. the buildings, people running through the streets, destruction everywhere, random new yorkers helping each other anyway. new york isn’t just where spider-man lives. the city is part of spider-man. andrew is still my spider-man but THIS is tom’s spider-man movie

okay THIS was good!! aunt may knowing peter is spider-man was one of my favorite things about this version and then THEY KILL HER?? 😭😭 genuinely did not expect that. peter parker continues to prove my theory that spider-man = everyone you love eventually fucking dies. happy is no longer happy NORMAN OSBORN IS BACK!!!!! willem dafoe returned after almost 20 years and apparently decided he needed to remind everybody that green goblin is fucking INSANE!! norman being terrified and confused while goblin is just waiting in there to take over??? STILL SO GOOD finally: ALL THREE SPIDER-MEN TOGETHER!! my conclusion remains: tobey is the better peter parker andrew is the better spider-man tom does both well it was literally that spidey meme of them pointing at each other andrew garfield returning after i gave both of his movies five stars (really six)??? MY SPIDER-MAN HAS RETURNED 🥰 then ANDREW SAVES MJ IM SICK he couldn’t save gwen. he has lived with that ever since. then tom’s mj falls and andrew gets to catch her and actually SAVE HER??? the look on his face afterward??? HE GOT HIS SECOND CHANCE. i hate it here also tobey showing up with the energy of a man who has been spider-man for twenty years and is simply tired. (ofc he is that man has to deal with ANNOYING ASS MJ) that’s my peter parker then the ending?? everybody forgets peter parker exists. ned doesn’t know him. MJ doesn’t know him. happy doesn’t know him. aunt may is dead. tony is dead. peter goes from having approximately zero ability to keep his identity a secret to literally nobody knowing who the fuck he is. and he sees MJ and Ned happy and decides not to tell them 💔 then makes his own suit and goes right back to being spider-man anyway