Anora

DECENT 9. i'd be a pretty terrible politician because my stance on what’s right and what’s wrong is so malleable. not that i'm easy to convince or that i'm gullible, but rather that i’ll always be open to adjusting my stance (except for a few select things, like adultery. fuck that). i firmly believe in "treating others the way you want to be treated," and the privilege of hearing someone out stands out. even though i'm the section editor for the opinions nation/world" column of my school’s newspaper, i learn with each interaction that i don't really know enough to speak on the behalf of others. in Anora, mikey madison's ani is a sexworker, and though that was an industry i used to vehemently disapprove of, i don't even know what i think about it anymore. it’s interesting to get such a compelling character study, especially one that i can’t resonate with. ani is someone that i would’ve found relentlessly intimidating because she comes off as so sure about what she wants and what she does. i admire a strong sense of purpose, and she embodies that by defending her lifestyle by attacking others. that being said, Anora somehow uses the viciously horny and thematically vapid plot to make clear to me an archetype of a person i was previously oblivious to — the tragedy of wanting to be desired but not knowing what desire is outside of lust. on another note, the influx of russians in Anora makes me reflect on my first real friends, who were russian, ukranian, and uzbek. and though i can’t possible imagine who i would’ve become without their anchoring presence and pivotal guidance, Anora stirs the pot. i remember feeling that i had to play catch up to meet the expectations that i thought my slavic friends held for me. i never could find the same euphoria they seemed to find in clubbing and drinking. but they never had those expectations for me. and so, i wonder if i’d be happier if i was less thoughtful. if i wasn’t so preoccupied with what “brought me fulfillment” and what “trangresses my morals” and what “threatened my goals.” the discomfort that i felt in needing to “prove myself” to my foreigner friends might have been some obligation i pushed on myself without any external factors. while i’m glad that i’m constantly questioning myself (as i’ve found myself much more puposeful, passionate, and principled), i wish i wasn’t so critical of my worth.