Secretary

A lesser film would frame Lee's sexuality as another symptom of her self-destructive behaviour, something to overcome on the path to becoming "normal." Instead, Secretary draws a careful distinction between her self-harm and the relationship that follows. The first comes from self-loathing while the latter is her way of understanding herself through pain and devotion. What struck me most on rewatch is how vulnerable Edward is allowed to be. Dominant men in pop culture are usually depicted as hyper-confident figures who always know exactly what they want. Secretary however understands that a man can be ashamed, distant, and charismatic all without contradiction. Much of the film is about Edward's fear and shame of desire, as well as his conviction in the idea that true intimacy is impossible for a man like him. One of the film's throughlines is the fact that there are many things far more intimate and sexy than sex. For a film released in 2002, it's remarkably generous towards its subject matter. It approaches kink without judgement or ridicule. Their relationship is imperfect and, at times, unhealthy, but the film never presents their dynamic itself as the problem, nor does it treat submission as weakness or dominance as cruelty. Lee and Edward are presented simply as humans trying to feel the broad range of human experience. They find freedom within the strict rules they impose on themselves. Secretary, at its heart, is about the fear of being fully seen by another person and the terror of being accepted regardless. When she a freak but you lowkey empty.