Manic

“Why are you here? Why are you alive? Do you wanna be alive?” I’m aware my reviews don’t mean shit but I really mean it when I say this film meant a lot to me.  I know I don’t share the same trauma because my trauma is only what I have inflicted upon myself.  I connect on a very deep level with their frustration, anger, and overwhelming sadness but it’s only towards myself.  *“Lyle, wherever you’re going you’re still gonna be there.”  * This quote from Don Cheadle’s character hit me like a punch to the gut. I needed someone to say that to me and Don Cheadle came through. Wherever Lyle goes he can’t escape the rage he feels about his dad. He can’t keep walking away when someone tries to break through to him because he maybe he can’t handle the fact that things can be different. Things can be different for me but I choose to ignore. I choose to run away but wherever I go my trauma and pain that I’ve inflicted upon myself will follow me. “*Cause the fact of the matter that it’s quite possible that you’re gonna have this rage within you until you die man.”  * I resonate so deeply to the internal conflict and frustration that also resides strongly within these characters. The eternal and crippling unease that it might not go away (at least not completely). The courage that it will take to learn to live with that constant suffering and it’s scary as fuck.