First Reformed

This is the first time where I don't have the words to describe what I just watched. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. What I do know is that it was visually stunning. The lingering shots and aspect ratio are unforgettable. The angles that these scenes are shot in are so unique and I haven't seen anything comparable to it. Beyond that I'm not sure what to say about the movie itself, but I can only try my best to give my own synopsis of it. Toller's character is so fascinating to me. His slow descent into obsession and anger is so hard to watch. The beginning of the film shows him as a lovable and genuine person who cares about his congregants. The contrast with the end where he seemingly has lost that version of himself is tragic. After the death of Michael he slowly becomes obsessed in the same way over environmental concerns reflecting a shift in thought process compared to their first conversation. Ethan Hawke does an amazing job portraying his transformation throughout the movie The ending is where most of my thoughts start to get more jumbled. Immediately after watching I was dissatisfied with the end. I wanted a definitive answer in this one and I felt as though the movie didn't do enough to set up an ambiguous ending. However, after sitting with it more I have come to appreciate and love the ending. We see Toller gearing up with a suicide bomb for the large celebration service. It is obvious that he plans to "die a martyr" for the environmental cause. He sees Mary enter the church and decides against it. He proceeds to wrap himself in barbed wire and pour a drink of drain cleaner. We then see Mary walk into the room and they kiss. My current reading of the end is that wrapping himself in barbed wire was his own penance for the rabbit we see die the same way earlier in the film. He played a role in the death of that rabbit and killing of Gods creature so that was his way of punishing himself. As for the drain cleaner, it is only fitting that he die by poisoning his body, something that we see him do with alcohol throughout the movie. I believe that the end with Mary was a death hallucination and not real. I would also like to point out the irony of Tollers apparent death. Throughout the movie he is poisoning his body. He doesn't eat right and drinks excessively to the point where he is peeing out blood. As he poisons his body he grows angry with society as a whole for taking the earth for granted and polluting it. Similarly to how he poisons his body, mankind poisons the earth. He is so focused on the pollution of the environment he ignores the pollution of his body.