Moonlight

i don’t really know how to write about Moonlight..i watched it last night but I couldn't find the right words It wasn’t loud. there wasn’t that much happening and yet it felt like everything was happening all at once. the silence in this movie isn’t empty. it’s heavy and every quiet moment felt like something sitting on my chest. like i needed to swallow but couldn’t. When he was a child, i kept waiting for someone to protect him... that’s what childhood is supposed to be, isn’t it? being protected, but he didn’t get it where he should have. he found it somewhere unexpected and that almost made it more painful. because it showed what he was missing. as a teenager..he looked like someone who was supposed to be figuring himself out. but instead.. he just looked scared. not loud scared, the kind of scared that lives inside your throat and doesn’t let you speak. and when he grew up, i almost didn’t recognize him..that soft boy ..he had built himself into someone harder, bigger, sharper. Almost like an armor. and i think he was pretending so well that even he almost believed it. Until Kevin looked at him. when Kevin asked him "Who are you?” it didn’t sound accusing.. it sounded like someone gently reminding him of who he used to be. and when he said “No one has touched me since you” it didn’t feel physical, it felt like confession..like admitting that no one else had ever seen him without that armor. that last scene .. when he rests his head on Kevin’s shoulder, it’s so small..nothing dramatic happens but it felt like the loudest moment in the whole film for me..like the little boy finally allowed himself to be held again.. or for the first time in his life. Moonlight described loneliness..wanting to be seen so badly that it almost hurts and i think we all grow up building versions of ourselves that feel safer. stronger and less vulnerable. and maybe what we really hope for even if we pretend we don’t, is that someone will see through it gently and still stay..a Kevin.