Blade Runner 2049

I've decided to revise this edit from when I originally wrote it due to the emotional problems I've been having from Reze Arc, something I'll elaborate on more with my next rewatch of it. These last few weeks(12/15-1/8), I've struggled a lot mentally which was primarily caused by Reze Arc and how much I related to Denji and Reze. Returning to BR2049, I don't just see it as this beautiful sci-fi masterpiece; I see a reflection of myself in K. I never truly feel as if I have any control of my life, never feeling as if I have any true connection to other people, never truly feeling appreciated or wanted, feeling used or hurt in every relationship I make, and knowing in the grand scheme of the world, I'm not actually important. Something as simple as living in peace feels challenging, due to many of the choices I've made that have crushed my mental health despite wanting to keep forward with those decisions. It's hard to move on from certain parts of your life, especially when it feels like everyone wants to keep me from improving. But I think that's the point. BR249's ending is an emotionally gripping moment that truly does hurt to acknowledge. While the world remembers K as a Replicant who went rogue, the viewer sees he was a cog in a regime that developed a heart at the end of his story. It's an ending I relate to because no matter how hard I may try, the world will still see me as a screw-up. And that's why it clicked with me. I find my mind jumping back to the scene with the hologram Joi. It's the scene that impacted me the most out of any other within this masterpiece because it forced me to realize a harsh truth: I'll never be able to form true connections to a lot of people I know. I feel lonely, even when I'm with the people I like the most in my life. No matter how hard I try, I'll always feel this way; disconnected from the world and weary of the people I meet. But maybe I needed to learn that. I feel like I can't move on, I stress myself out, I push away help when people try to help, and I feel as if I'm too far gone. But I want to keep going. BR2049 and Reze Arc are both extremely important to me and have been some of the few times I've ever truly related to characters in media. It's why I hold them in such high regard, and one of the only times I've truly felt understood. I don't know if I'll ever improve, but I'll try.