Sentimental Value

“You know, I don’t believe in God at all. We came from a home where all that was irrelevant. We weren’t baptised. My sister and I had a civil confirmation just for the money. Then I had this kind of crisis. I was alone in the house again, lying in bed, crying. I know everyone lies in bed crying at some point, but… Someone said praying isn’t really talking to God. It’s acknowledging despair. To throw yourself on the ground because that’s all you can do. Not unlike heartbreak: “Call me. Please change your mind.” “Take me back.” There I was. I’d ruined everything. I was alone, lying there, crying. And then, for the first time, I sat down and prayed. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know who I prayed to, but I said it out loud: “Help me. I can’t do this. I can’t do it alone. I want a home. I want a home.”