Normal People

im so not normal after this cus wdymmmmmm??????????????? so, basically this series taught me lots of life and love. from the early episode where—uumm—marianne asked connel like, „then how do you know what you want?” and then connel answered casually, „*i don't—most of the time* i don't have a clue.” and i highkey related into it. idk, but whenever everyone—in this series—mentioned about life and wants, something in me got triggered and left me wondering : i have no idea what am i supposed to do and to be in this life time. i think, most of people don't have any idea what they want or what they want to do with their life. hell yeah, slap me more, slap me! i have lots of visions in my life, i just still have no clue what to do. have you ever felt that you could be like this, you wanted to be like that, you were gonna get those, or you were gotta be like these. but you just don't know where to start and just sat there, watching anyone else around you start theirs, and you just : what am i gonna do? i can't connect this life and—and that life, it just... just doesn't fit. i always struggled to fit in—actually. well, everyone will consider that im just shy or something. but i am, im struggling to fit it, especially in the new whole place. im just too scare to start to fit, ykwim? i felt so... empty and sometimes—this is the worse one—i thought that i didn't deserve to be here and i ain't invited. it hard to explain, but yeah. . and love, yes. this series was so complicated, got me tweaked whenever they separated. i mean, they loved each other, WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TOGETHER????????!?!?!!! see, this is why communication is the key. well, i get it—totally. it was easy to said than done, while i struggle to communicate my exact thoughts myself towards everyone. i HIGHKEY related to marianne in so many ways, and i totally agreed with people who said : marianne is the most realistic female character ever exist. yes, she is. not to mention, but her backstory was just like me : family issues, struggled with emptiness, lack of affection, loneliness, etc.. but the different is, i am most connel than marianne. it way too hurt to loved to someone while we had to deal with everything, but we just cannot explain it, because we thought... it will make it worse, even tho turns out it will be worse. just the fact that i put up with it. oh my god. when connel said like : „it must be kind of lonely for you.” and marianne was like, „im used to it—been lonely my whole life, really.” yes, no matter how many people in my life is, no matter how many crowds in the crowded when im in, i always felt alone, just alone. i was so happy when im around, i enjoyed every second of it. but i just drained, and alone afterwards. and i agreed with marianne when she said : im never lonely when im with you. yes, i am never lonely when im with my person. the one who stays in every single moment i needed them. im even so lonely when im with my family, because they're just... exists,but not exist to fulfill my empty place, yk. “i'll go.” > “and i'll stay. and we'll be okay.” you guys will be okay, i definitely don't think will be okay after watched this. fuck off.