Aftersun
“you can live wherever you want to live. be whoever you want to be. you have time.”going on a holiday with your family, being pesky tourists, exploring the world, fuels such a specific emotion in your head. and it’s not just the mirage of a place you’ve never been too, never experienced before, but also the time spent with the people, you may or may not see everyday. doing the same activities, breathing the same air at every moment, catching up with each other, doing just about everything with each other, in that ephemeral 1-2 weeks of magic.
when i first watched this movie 3 years ago, i didn’t think much of it and moved on. but as time went on, i kept thinking about this movie, and it made me rethink the relationships i’ve had with my family. i was never the most emotionally close to my parents. there were things i can’t say, things i won’t say, things they don’t want to hear me say. as children, we internalise the way our families react and respond to things we say or do, influencing the way we act and communicate in our future relationships and endeavours. we look to our parents for answers, on how to live, how to love, how to be human, but sometimes they unknowingly disregard our emotions, and neglect our feelings.
looking at sophie, an 11 year old girl, i feel a deep sense of envy, for a childhood i will never have in this life, simply because i was born a boy. in a movie so drenched in queerness like aftersun, i can’t help but be enveloped in a world that feels so distant yet so familiar to my contradictory existence.