The Thing

“They’re not dead yet…” The time for The Thing is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. It’s finally back on the Criterion Channel and I can’t continue to watch movies without understanding why The Thing has such a rock solid place in the rafters of cinema. I guess I maybe feel pressure when watching royalty like this to have a loving opinion, but I’m getting out of that habit. Either way I’m excited as hell to watch this. Holy FUCK. Alright, that’s out of my system. I had no idea what I was in for, that’s for sure. The Thing is one of those movies that’s comfortable with the fact that you know as the audience that the story is not very complicated, and the beauty is that nobody cares. Why would I when the outcome is one of the best horror mysteries ever made? Man, I just don’t know if I can think of a parallel for The Thing in terms of pure despair and inner turmoil, and what really drives it home for me is how real it feels. I kept thinking “well that’s a stupid decision”, but of course it is. Of course regular guys who are at the most heightened sense of paranoia they’ve ever been because their friends are potentially ungodly imitations of themselves would make stupid decisions. I appreciate not knowing THAT much about the characters either, because it doesn’t matter. They’re just coworkers. It’s not unreasonable to believe that a group would splinter like this one did. It’s really a dread bomb in the most catastrophic way, but I say that with a smile. You know what adds to that? The atmosphere of the research station and the Antarctic climate outside it. They’re trapped, and you feel trapped along with them. The Thing makes you put your big boy pants on and deal with the situation, no matter the futility of the outcome. I loved it. What an atmosphere, what a group, what a setting. All of the critical decisions made about the story couldn’t have been handled better. In the time that I’ve been taking cinema more seriously I constantly learn things that blow my mind, like the fact that a movie as well-made as The Thing was barely considered a success at the box office, if at all. It’s crazy how willing we are as people to overlook greatness when it’s right in front of our face, but that’s a discussion for another time. John Carpenter’s magnum opus delivered. I didn’t dislike Halloween or Escape From New York but they both felt empty to me. Not The Thing, which is ironic when you consider how empty this movie really is. I mean, it's Antarctica! I’m joking of course, and you certainly do feel the size and isolation of the setting through the outlandishly good cinematography and atmosphere score, but when I say The Thing isn’t empty I’m talking about how it comes together. This is a proper film, a true cinematic experience. I’d kill to see it in a theater. Those are some of the highest compliments I personally can pay a director and his cinematographer. I also tip my cap to Universal for once. They allowed The Thing to be done correctly, and as a cinema enjoyer I appreciate that. I wish more of John Carpenter's career mirrored this effort and was funded like this. A massive and deserved shoutout to Rob Bottin as well, that guy made this movie with his special effects and makeup. On to the acting, headlined by Kurt Russell. I’ll be honest, I thought Russell as Snake Plissken was horribly overrated. He’s much, much better as MacReady. I think his performance put his character in the driver's seat as the most human of them all. I liked T.K. Carter’s job as Nauls a bunch too. I’m not trying to be funny by saying this, but I for real thought the dog was so well trained and directable that he was one of the best in the whole movie. Nobody was bad though, let me make that clear. I was tossing and turning between that 4.5 and 5 star rating but I think the rewatchability of The Thing takes it into the 5 star range. I’m such a big fan now and I’ll be buying the 4k as soon as I can. Also, I could have gone my whole life without seeing a dog morph into hell incarnate.