Lady Bird

[SENTIMENTAL REVIEW AHEAD, SKIP IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE MUSHY] My dad is somebody who should've done more with his life - that's not to be rude or unfair, because none of it is his fault and he'd be the first person to admit it. He just has all of the hallmarks of somebody who could've been anything - he's tenacious, ambitious, has an incredible memory, doesn't stop when he wants something until he has it. He couldn't drive until he was nearly forty, but he never stopped trying. Unfortunately, when your secondary was labelled "The worst school in Britain" (not the city, not the region, not England, Britain) and subsequently demolished, opportunities don't tend to come in free fall. He hasn't completely failed or anything - by those standards, he's done exceptionally well to have a constant job in plumbing, a wife and two kids he loves, enough money to do what he loves (watching films, going to concerts, and travelling), and his own house. We just both agree that had the opportunity structure been a little different, and he'd left school with more than two GCSEs due to the opportunity to get more than two GCSEs, he could've been a great teacher. We also both love films - that's one thing I've inherited. I remember every film he shows me - from Back to the Future when I was 8, to the entire Rocky franchise between the ages of 11 and 12, to Terminators 1 & 2 and all-time favourite Shaun of the Dead when I was 14, to The Silence of the Lambs a few weeks ago at 17. I showed him a film for the first time a few months ago, that being Everything Everywhere, and he didn't love it, but after all of these years of watching things he loves, he was happy to watch something that I adore, and understood the appeal in it. Him and his friend drove me up and down the country so that I could see my favourite band when I was 15, and they loved every second of it. I'm so grateful for him. I suppose now is where I get to the one problem which exists between me and my father - we're almost so similar that it cancels out like algebra, looping back around to nothing in common at all. Like him, I want a lot out of my life. Unlike him, I feel like I have the means to achieve it - I'm at a good sixth form, with the best grades in my subject area of social sciences, and zero chance of not getting into a good university. I dream of being that great history teacher that he might have been. And yet, he's hesitant for me to leave. He wants me to stay in one place forever, and that place is our living room watching sci-fi classics: I can't fully blame him. He's sacrificed so much to raise me well, and I'm grateful for all of it. Last night, I tried to have a conversation with him about the idea that I might leave Nottingham for university - I've assured him that I won't be too far away, will not apply anywhere which would mean that I can't get back easily, and will spend the next year learning how to cook, clean and budget to a better standard so that I know how to take the best care of myself - this has only soothed about a tenth of his doubts. My mind wandered back to Lady Bird after that conversation ended in tears on both ends, and this viewing experience has been so different to the last - last time I watched it, I found myself rooting for Lady Bird in almost every scenario, because of how much she reminds me of myself, even beyond the desire to be somewhere else. Even our bedrooms look the same! This time, I felt like I was watching the scenes involving the two of them through Marion's eyes - though at times she's as bad as, if not worse than, Lady Bird, I felt a new sense of empathy for her. I see the scenes where she's working endless nights in an emotionally taxing job, scheduling her day around everybody having clean towels, and trying to make Christmas as happy as possible even when they don't have a lot - and I see both of my parents, but particularly my dad. And I see all of the love which is required to be a parent, even if the beauty of audience manipulation through good filmmaking is doing a bit of the work here. And though it's still wrong for her to keep pressuring Lady Bird to stay, when she has a perfect rationale for leaving, I can understand why she tries. One tiny scene moved me to tears - when Marion alters Lady Bird's thanksgiving dress, even after Lady Bird has upset her by deciding to spend thanksgiving with a boyfriend. That, to me, is representative of everything which a parent is - unconditional love which defies our change and growth. I also didn't realise how great this film is technically the first time I watched it: for a coming-of-age story, a genre which often uses pretty standard storytelling techniques, this one tries a lot of new things. The format of a collage of small scenes, and choice to leave certain conversations unseen is honestly truly unique, the cinematography and colour grading is honestly gorgeous, and Ronan and Metcalf both bought so much nuance to a film which otherwise could've felt like a war between two sides with a clear winner: which isn't what the film needed to be. Because it's about empathy first and foremost. I'm not going to say that my situation is identical to the one portrayed in this film - the minutiae are different, my parents aren't truly assholes like Marion can actually be at times, and I can safely say that my family loves and likes me, but the core is the same and the core is a need for empathy on all sides. I think this might need to be the second film that I show to my dad.