Buffalo '66

“I just have this feeling you’re not gonna come back.” … and then the prison’s gates open to the desolate, snowy streets. you rub your hands together for some warmth. you rushed into where no angel would ever tread; lonely moonchild. you’re on your own now. forgiveness is hard, ugly, messy. forgiveness can be the key to set you free; but a lack of it can also keep you restrained in the shackles of your own design. is there any real reason why someone should feel obliged to apologize; or on the other side, why someone should forgive the one apologizing? does the person who Wronged you deserve to be forgiven? it’s tricky. there is an infinite amount of angles to look at forgiveness, all entirely plausible and distinct. someone can be driven to Wrong others because of their own history of being Wronged; and another who meets this same someone will be troubled to think of them as anything but a victim, even though they’re fully responsible of their own actions. but who’s to say they still don’t carry along those Wronged moments every moment they breathe? should this absolve them of guilt? i’ve been in multiple situations where i’ve had to ask myself all of these questions; where i’ve Wronged someone and had to reconcile with the fact they may not forgive me. the fact the ones i’ve hurt won’t forgive me has led me towards the point of not forgiving my own self; why should i when i put the other in so much pain? it’s frustrating; knowing someone you loved at one point treated you so well, and you still cling on to that memory of their love, nails chipping slightly as this effort lingers; but you eventually come back around, and you realize you’ve been Wronged by the person who once used to kiss your cheek so softly. then everyone’s broken. fucking fragments of a Wronged past surrounding you and developing its own horrible environment and forcing you to run away into a stark wilderness, bleeding out there, pained, beaten, selfish. so it goes. how does everyone have the audacity to say you should fucking forgive them when they treated you like this? but, shouldn’t everyone be given a chance to be redeemed? to be heard? maybe that’s the step towards liberation, as corny as it may sound: love. maybe there’s someone out there who can pick up all the pieces back together; who can remind you that love is enough. that someone cares whenever you break down or lash out. and this love may be awkward and uncomfortable; that feeling is unavoidable anywhere you go. intimacy and redemption can be just as inexplicably confusing as the other other, and many times do they go hand in hand. but god, forgiving is so fucking hard. especially towards yourself; you prisoner, damned to loathe forever. forgive me for all that can be found here. i’m sorry. don’t look. don’t touch me. which leads me to this, Buffalo 66; a film so heartbreakingly sincere it’s almost painful. it shouldn’t come to any surprise that a person like Gallo could create something this emotionally and thematically complex. it’s staggering just how vulnerable every frame of this film is. i can’t be bothered to blame whomever this doesn’t work for, as it goes places that are so naked and impossible to talk about just because of it’s sheer density. it can be hard, very hard to watch and talk about on multiple different levels. you’re forced to watch a guy who’s so embarrassingly awful and crude fall in love with a girl who he kidnapped; and then try to be convinced that he deserves this kind of comfort. not everyone will hear, or even try to understand what Gallo’s putting down here, and that makes perfect sense. to say it in the least pretentious way possible; he’s laying it out how it is. all the things he’s depicting are explored as intricately and realistic as they come out whenever we experience them. it obviously works in film/fantastical logic, but honestly, if it weren’t that way it wouldn’t work as well as it does. on a pure formal level it should be obvious that this is masterful; the editing is outstanding, the camerawork, the structure. it’s really a miracle this film exists in the way it does, and god damn it means the world to me. i’ve talked about this before in my Brown Bunny review but i truly do see Gallo as one of the greatest and most important auteurs; with only 2 works under his belt, yet those 2 works being some of the most rawest to ever be released. it’s pathetic, i know, but i resonate with Billy in ways i’m ashamed of. obviously i’m not as much of an asshole as this guy, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t see myself so much in this; maybe even more than in The Brown Bunny. i always find it hard to wrap written thoughts up in a coherent manner; especially with something as complex as this, but fuck. maybe the most heartwarming and empathetic film i’ve seen, and one that finds me every time i need it most. i love you, and i apologize profoundly. “Guess what? Guess what happened today? I got a girl. I got a girl who loves me.”