Monster

“If it’s not for everyone, then that’s not happiness.” As the credits roll, I can’t contain the tears from coming out my eyes. I find myself absolutely paralyzed, unable to speak or move or do anything. The people around me are already standing up to leave, conversing with their partners and families, or absorbed in their phones. And I feel as though my heart has been violently torn from my chest, and an unrelenting sense of grief envelops me. And just as I begin, or attempt, to compose myself, the screen displays the poignant words "In memory of Ryuichi Sakamoyo," resetting me to ground zero. As I finally piece myself back together, my mind floods with memories, my heart with nostalgia, my body with shivers. I leave the theater, greeted by the biting cold of a fine December night. Four hours have passed since I left the screening, and I can’t bring myself to think about anything else, or, ironically, to articulate coherent thoughts and opinions about the film. What I do know is that I've been profoundly moved in a way I may have never experienced before. Great, the tears are back! Monster, in my opinion, stands as the epitome of a perfect film —gut-wrenching, emotional, exciting, gorgeous. Its screenplay ranks among the greatest ever written, truly, ever. Perfect cinematography, even better direction, and impeccable performances. And the score… I won’t even get there, let’s just say that it is probably my favorite score of the year. Ryuichi, you will be remembered forever. I will keep you in my life for as long as I live. I miss you. Yuji, your screenplay is phenomenal, otherworldly, unreal. The profound respect, admiration, and inspiration I feel are monumental. Hirokazu, you did everything right. Every. Single. Thing. You’re all around the film. Everywhere. I felt you from the first frame to the last. Your directorial decisions are absolutely insane. I’m forever inspired by you. Monster is care, childlike wonder, perspective. Queerness, self-discovery. And, above all, love. This film will linger in my thoughts for the remainder of my life—a monumental reminder of why I adore cinema and most importantly, why we need it. (The tears show no signs of abating.)