Obsession

i believe he loved her. i believe he thought he was a good person who just had something terrible happen to him. i believe some people will leave this movie assuming that’s all the movie was trying to convey, but i disagree. bear loved nikki, but nikki did not feel the same towards him. he didn’t know this, seemed to think there were mixed signals, but wanted to ask her out just to see if maybe it would work. i can, unfortunately, relate. unrequited love sucks. bear initially when making his wish, did not know what would happen. he didn’t believe it was real, and who could blame him? he was innocent in this act, in my opinion. the moment that he stopped being innocent is the moment he stopped truly caring if she was consenting, which is right about the time he noticed her acting crazy in his car.  almost immediately, i fully believe he knew instinctually that something wasn’t right, and she wasn’t acting like herself. even if he believed that her dad was really dying of cancer, why accept her advances? because he desired her. because he wanted it to be real. because he was selfish. this is crappy behavior, but maybe not inherently sinister.  what IS sinister is the fact that he seemed to lack any guilt for what he had done. he was always trying to confirm if what they had was “real” rather than seeming to care if she was okay. his first instinct is to call the number and ask if he can change his wish, not cancel it? his second option is cancelling? he knows it’s real. he’s knows she’s suffering. he doesn’t care if it is what she would want. he only cares that it’s uncomfortable for him. when she talks to him while the other her sleeps, his face drops and he, again, selfishly only cares if she ever liked him. he doesn’t care about the fact that she wishes she was dead.  i don’t think this problem is something only men do, but the framing of the story being about a “lonely” (see: involuntarily celibate) man is incredibly timely. the movie does not celebrate his actions. i think intentionally the scene where he tries to keep the wish, just tweak it, is perhaps the most obvious clue that the film disagrees with bear. i know people dislike nuance in films and certainly films can be twisted to fit a certain narrative if they aren’t clear enough with their themes. i don’t think, however, that it’s fair to say this movie fully expects you to forgive bear for his actions and behaviors, but it does want you to sympathize with him. i don’t believe this is a bad thing. when we assign people the labels “good” and “bad,” we are refusing to recognize that people are ultimately human. monsters don’t really exist. when we choose to dehumanize those we don’t like, we absolve them of doing better. i’m not saying you should forgive people who have hurt you in life just on the off chance they change, but there are many people who have hurt people only to go on and do great things. tldr; this movie is not celebrating incels, but rather critiquing the idea that they inherently “own” women or are somehow deserving of a woman’s time for any reason. when you don’t care about consent, you are perpetuating harm. you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your own reactions. be a good person. do good things. accept rejection. it’s healthy for you.