Aftersun

it wasn’t despite its simplicity that this movie so expertly portrayed the harshness and pain of mental illness and grief, but rather its simplicity was the the reason it hit so hard.  by the end of the movie i wanted SO desperately to just hug sophie and tell her how sorry i am for her loss and just tell her it’s okay and i get it and i understand i get how much it hurts i get how it never stops hurting. it never felt for a second that sophie was just a movie character. i was so overwhelmed by the need to just comfort a character that didn’t even exist because the movie felt like i was processing grief with a friend who got it.  when you’ve experienced grief like that you just know who else has lost someone, lost a parent. so without looking anything up i just knew the director had gone through it too because of her portrayal. she just got it.  i just sat with so much pain after the credits rolled, i was at such a loss for words.  sophie was just a kid who so desperately couldn’t understand what her dad was going through and was too young to be able to do anything about it and yet she could still tell something was wrong.  but her dad was still such a good dad, he was so attentive and caring. it’s just hard. mental illness is so hard, and it’s so unfair that it doesn’t go away even if you have kids.  i’m literally rambling and i don’t care enough to edit this review to make it easier to read or more articulate cuz fuck it i’m feeling a mess of emotions and this is how i feel.