As You Are

Jack reminds me so much of a friend i have and in the first ten minutes even acts and looks like him so by the end of the movie i was absolutely bawling my eyes out. i don't think i have ever cried at a movie in this scale and maybe it was just me, but anyways. As You Are blends relatability with heartbreak. out of the many slice of life, coming of age movies out there, this stands out because of it's ability to showcase the harsh truth. i found Mark to be so awfully relatable, from the way he suppresses his depression to the way he releases his emotions through music and his friends. his relationship with his dad is also so well done, children don't resent their parents for anything and it does make me mad that he did not get the punishment he deserves. i also loved how the police thought Sarah was too 'normal' for them because she had a good relationship with her parents even though that was Jack as well, to an extent. he had a good relationship with his mom, a great one at that, and he did alright at school, yet they already put him in a box. it's the same with their sexuality and why, "i wish you were a girl," is more important than any other dialog in this film. because it captures the box that society has set for everyone and how they must abide by the rules that they have set for their preference and values. and that is why, teenager, now more than ever feel trapped in their own skin. #meincluded. this movies does that really well, how society puts teenagers in certain boxes even if they say they don't because they look a certain way and like certain things. oh and another thing, parasocial relationships!! at first i thought Jack's reaction to Kurt Cobain's death was way too much because, is it ever that serious? but if Julian Casablancas dies tomorrow i will actually start sobbing, weaping and not be able to get out of my bed for like two weeks. i think this also sums up very well how lonely Jack was and how he turned to music and idolised musicians as an important and turning figure in his life because he did not have that many people around him to do that to. other than Mark and Sarah. the ending absolutely broke me and it was even harder because i saw so much of myself in Mark and Jack as my friend, but it was the most realistic. the hopelessness that Mark was feeling, and the feelings he was supressing could only ever come back in self destructive ways. such a beautiful film. i wish letterboxd had a third option: watched and never watching again. also, 38:52 into the movie, just look at him. genuinely one of the finest performances i have seen in a movie in a long time and he was just looking.. i could write a whole poem about this.