Blue

i often find meaning in smaller gestures and a mutual silence more meaningful than those that are grandiose. kayako and endo’s relationship was built on the silence and the space between them. their relationship was not a straightforward one, their lack of communication and endo’s general ostracisation regarding her past situation and i think the internalised discomfort that comes with talking about that left a lot of isolation between them. such longing but not knowing how to reach out. i think this film really aptly captures that. such loneliness but with such wholesome intent. a watch that i fear has filled me with the sense of calm emptiness that comes after sitting on the beach looking out to the sea for a bit too long. i’ve recently written about the small town and the lesbian relationship because i find it quite an interesting way to express queerness. the small town with its conservatism, in this case cold isolation, becomes a place of recompense. no outward gestures are ever made of their relationship, they are not strictly shunned for it, rather the solitude and space between the two is brought out by the small scale of their space. endo leaves the town to pursue a ‘relationship’ with a man from her past in the bigger city. and the town ultimately draws them apart. kayako goes to tokyo and endo remains, ‘this is all i can do’. the long moments of silence and faint guitar played throughout this film made it such a lovely and peaceful watch, but my god, does leave you feeling a bit empty. the music very much reminded me of Adrianne Lenker’s instrumentals. my rating for this film will likely go up, i can see that, with time, and having probably reflecting on it a lot, i will love it all the more.