Melancholia
“What happened? Did you let your emotional life take over?”
What did happen? Somewhere along the way I lost who I was completely. Yesterday was the first time in my life I felt small. It was really misty and I was in a forrest. And I never noticed how big everything is. I looked behind me and saw my mum standing there. And she was so small. Tiny compared to the rest of the world. I can look up at skyscrapers and feel fine. I can see planes land and boats leave. But there in that forrest I became no one. I didn’t feel insignificant. Just small and like nothing. I am nothing. I haven’t felt anything for a long time so I see myself in Justine a lot. The “happiest day of your life” and there is just nothing inside you. The world could end and i would embrace it with loving arms. Lars Von Trier’s films are the closest I have gotten to feeling anything for the longest time. Dancer in the Dark was the closest I have gotten to crying for almost 3 years. But still nothing. I hope one day I can feel again. It wouldn’t make that much difference anyway. I’ve hated weddings since I was young. I always thought it was just the dancing part, but it was actually all of it. I hate the idea of people watching me. Watching, watching everybody’s always watching. Judging, listening. I don’t act on my feeling because of them watching. They’re going to judge anyway. I might as well be me. I hope i can find them soon.
This was my 300th film of the year, and mostly likely the last that I watch by choice. I’m glad Melancholia was the 300th because it is the most potent film I’ve ever seen and has always stuck with me. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about it. Lars Von Trier’s films always have one quote that sticks with me. Nymphomaniac’s “The secret ingredient to sex is love”, Dancer in the Dark’s “It’s just so quiet here”. But I think Melancholia will always have my favourite.
“The earth is evil. We don’t need to grieve for it. Nobody will miss it”
Even if you don’t watch the film, just stay for the opening 8 minutes. It is the greatest opening to a film ever. And if you do stay, you’ll find the most under appreciated film of all time and possibly the greatest of our generation.