Vortex

“To all those who’s minds will decompose before their hearts…”  they live together in a french apartment. so obviously the first thing i thought of was my friend who wants to live in paris. i think about the future, what i would class as, regularly. some people fear growing old, others patiently wait for the day. when their hair turns silver, they walk slower, and seem to take in the world more. i never think that far ahead. a long time ago i was told the average life expectancy for a trans woman is 30. i never fully fact checked it after the instagram post, but that’s how i’ve lived most of my life. i don’t fear growing old. yes, it’s something i don’t want to do, but unless i die young, it’s inevitable. what i fear more is loosing people through growing up. not death. i fear loosing them in the sense we will grow apart whether it’s between us or separated by oceans. i hardly talk to anyone i knew from high school so i fear the same thing will happen. i have a larger fear of turning 17 than i do 70. there’s some kind of expectations built around that age. i will post more in 2 months, my birthday. on dementia: i always remember when an advert came on tv about dementia and my dad said “if that ever happens to me, just take me out back and shoot me”. and in a way i have to agree. it is not a way i would want to suffer. i fear i'm forgetting more. forgetting is one of my greatest fears. when i wake up and can’t remember the dream i just had i get annoyed at myself. i feel like i’m forgetting things, but ironically i can’t remember them. obviously because i’ve forgot them. i hope i don’t forget. i like to remember. i like to remember stupid things the most. i can’t remember any right now, but the people i know hear them all the time.