Beautiful Boy

okay yeah no this one destroyed me. like i was not emotionally prepared at all. it’s one of those movies where you sit there after the credits like… what now. what do i do with all these feelings. it actually left me sitting on a train hyperventilating while some random woman next to me probably thought i was going through a breakup or something when in reality i was just emotionally wrecked by a timothée chalamet performance and a soundtrack that needs to be banned. first off, timothée chalamet HIMSELF??? oh my god. this was hands down one of his best performances. like i knew he could act, but this was next-level. the way he played nic — not just as an addict, but as a person who’s lost and hurting and trying and failing and trying again… like it was so raw. and there were moments where he’d smile and you’d remember he’s still just a kid, and then boom, he’s back in the depths again and you’re gutted. and steve carell as the dad?? i literally kept forgetting that he’s usually in comedies. he made david feel so real — like a parent who loves his son so deeply but has no clue how to help anymore. like he’s desperate. angry. heartbroken. trying to control something that just can’t be controlled. that scene where he breaks down in the car?? sobbing. the flashbacks hurt so much. like seeing nic as a little kid, reading, laughing, being goofy… and then cutting to him now, lost and high and lying and vanishing for days. the contrast?? unbearable. it makes the whole thing feel even heavier. but what hit the most is how honest the movie is. it doesn’t sugarcoat addiction. it doesn’t pretend there’s one big dramatic turning point where everything gets fixed. it’s just relapse after relapse. hope, disappointment, more hope, more pain. and it’s exhausting to watch — which is exactly the point. the part that fully lives rent-free in my head: “i want to get better.” and his dad just… tells him to talk to his sponsor. and you get why. like his dad can’t do it anymore. he’s tired. he’s hurting too. but timmy saying that with all the hope drained from his voice?? i was gone. and when he was sitting in the cafe?? writing?? like the same café he used to go to with his dad?? and you can see it in his face. he’s done. he’s planning to die. like no dramatic goodbye, just silence. then he overdoses in that disgusting bathroom stall and he’s just lying there, chest barely moving, face pale, like a child. then you hear the song “beautiful boy” playing in the background?? NAHHHH. that broke me. like the irony of it. the song’s so soft, like a lullaby. and it’s playing while this actual beautiful boy is just slowly breaking down over and over again and you can’t do anything. the last time we see him cry in his dad’s arms?? just sobbing like a kid while his dad pats his back like it’s the only thing he knows how to do anymore?? i was on the train losing it. like not blinking. trying to breathe. it felt so real and so raw. this is not a rewatchable movie. but it is unforgettable. and the soundtrack should come with a trigger warning. 9/10. it hurts so good. never again. but also… thank you.