Please Baby Please

Had to make the most of the 48 hour rental period and watch this again. Still stunning! Some may say "this feels like it's made by a Gender Studies grad student [derogatory]" but I say "this feels like it's made by a Gender Studies grad student [complimentary]" I rewatched Aftersun last night and both that film and this have a moment where the male lead stares into a mirror and spits at it. In Aftersun it happens after his daughter is explaining the feeling of depression (though she's not quite old enough to understand that's what she's describing) and asking him if he feels that way too: "Don't you ever feel like you've just done a whole amazing day, and then you come home and feel tired and down, and...feels like your bones don't work. They're just tired and everything is tired. Like you're sinking. I don't know, it's weird" Instead of answering the question, instead of embracing the opportunity to really connect with his daughter and express a deep understanding for her and what she's going through, he says "we're here to have a good time." and then spits his toothpaste at the mirror. He's too fragile to have that moment with her, even though he knows it would be helpful to her, and knows how helpful it would have been for him when he was eleven to have a family member say, "hey, i know how you feel and it's normal and ok." He has the capacity to try to teach her how to shuffle cards or how to perform some basic self defense moves, even do some Tai Chi. But he simply doesn't have it in him to teach her a lesson about depression, because he's not ready to face it in himself. So he changes the subject and then--in an act meant, perhaps in equal parts, to reaffirm his masculinity and to express self loathing--spits at the mirror. Here in Please Baby Please, Arthur is on a journey with his sexuality and gender. He knows from the start that he's not comfortable with being A Man--or what he thinks that entails. The mirror scene comes after greaser Teddy comes to his apartment bloody and bruised and they share their first moment of real intimacy. It's the most vulnerable Arthur has made himself up to this point and the closest he's gotten to admitting to himself and to Teddy who he really is. But his wife comes home and interrupts. He goes to the bathroom to wash blood off his shirt, and then slowly puts on a full suit and hat. The full Man costume--like his father. Staring at this version of himself in the mirror, he spits. Here, the act is not one of overcompensation or self loathing, but affirmation. He has reached the rubicon. He fully understands and accepts that the expectations of traditional heteronormative masculinity will never be met by him. That the suit will never look like anything other than a cheap costume. And he's prepared the embrace the alternative. I wasn't planning on writing an essay about this but hey IDK! It's just interesting how these two moments compare. And how differently the fates of these characters are afterwards.