D.E.B.S.

Here's how it goes in a just world where 2004 audiences understood the vision: theatrical sequel in 2006, noticeable budget increase. Amy and Lucy are having relationship problems because Amy is participating in an art show and it's really demanding and time-consuming and Lucy feels neglected. Debs reunite with Amy at this art show, sent to bust an art forging or smuggling ring. Amy collaborates with them, it's fun and nostalgic, she missed this. Lucy tries to join them but is not as good at being a spy, feels insecure and jealous because Amy seems to be falling back in love with her old life. Lucy and Amy fight and break up, Evanescence needle drop. The host of the art show is the twist villain, traps Amy and friends, peril ensues. Lucy arrives, Amy confesses her love, power of lesbianism turns Lucy into a good spy, she saves the day. Threequel in 2008, direct-to-DVD this time. Meagan Good does not return, fans are devastated and tabloids are stirring the pot, truth is she felt dissatisfied with her character's direction and went on to (successfully) pursue bigger projects. This one is really focused on Dominique, but it also doesn't seem to know what to do with her. Strange retcons: pretends Janice and Dominique are closer friends than they ever were in the last two, makes Amy super rigid to fill Max's role. Dominique is placed in a bisexual love triangle and has way more chemistry with the woman than the man but ultimately chooses to date neither. Holland Taylor also does not return and there's a new headmaster or whatever Ms. Petrie was, this time she's the twist villain. The camera movement in every fight scene is insane, feels like it was going to get a 3D theatrical release before being damned to DVD. Fourth movie in 2015, direct-to-DVD again, this time a soft reboot with all new characters, the next generation of Debs. All 4 of them are gay for each other, and they struggle to keep the messy love web overtaking their friend group separate from their work as spies. No twist villain this time, the antagonists are an organization of evil boy spies, they look like the pictures of One Direction in black shirts that people use as thumbnails for their Wattpad Mafioso AUs. All the top Letterboxd reviews end up being jokes about how these boys should also be in a gay polycule even though they're actually kinda creepy and homophobic in the movie. A fifth film is planned for streaming but falls apart over the pandemic. They recuperate with a full reboot, an Amazon Prime retelling of the original story, spread over 9 episodes: Sophie Nélisse as Amy, Reneé Rapp as Lucy, Lexi Minetree as Janice, unknowns as the rest. Max in particular gets a lot more backstory and plot relevance as decades-late repentance for Meagan Good. I should add that every sequel progressively tones down the sex and alcohol, but this streaming show is where it goes fully PG-13. Fan outrage and it bombs. Truthfully everything past the first movie bombs, but at least it exists. Instead none of this came to pass because we live in hell and everyone who was old enough to watch this movie in 2004 should be held accountable in court of law.