A Minecraft Movie

Things just kinda happen in this movie. Here’s Steve! Ok we’re done. Here’s these buffoons! Ok we’re done. The movie spends so little time developing anything resembling a backstory for any of these people when it gets pretty noticeable when it desperately tries to make you care for them. I didn’t. I especially didn’t care for what I assume are meant to be the two main characters who I didn’t bother remembering the names of. It’s like they had the rough draft of the script and instead of bothering to tie it all together they just hired jack black and told him to read that shit. And read that shit he did. The characters that stand out the most here, given the lack of much of a story, are the ones that are the most bombastic with the time they get on screen. Which are, needless to say, Jack Black and Jason Momoa’s characters. I was especially surprised by the garbage man. Although I probably shouldn’t have been. Might I dare say I liked him more than our plump Minecraft catchphrase-sayer. Seriously they say a bunch of unexpected shit in this movie. There’s a character called Chungus. And he says “unalive” at one point. There are moments like that which kind of took me aback. And that’s without mentioning the trailer scenes. People in the audience clapped when those happened. I also liked how horrifying being trapped in Minecraft seemed like. The enderman scene was great. I half expected him to say “he’s right behind me isn’t he?” (Because this is that kind of movie where a character could unironically say that). My verdict is that this a movie. One of them, you may say. It’s not good. It’s not unique, or particularly interesting. For a movie about creativity, it is really uncreative. It says nothing. It ends with a dance sequence. It takes no risks. If it weren’t for the residue hype of finally seeing Minecraft on the big screen, I wouldn’t have even entertained the thought of watching it. But I didn’t hate it. I wasn’t even bored. Maybe that says more about me than it says about the movie. But to me it felt like something greater than the sum of its parts. Someone here referred to it as like a vaguely disjointed dream. And I agree, but it’s not one of those dreams that you wake up upset from. Rather, it’s one of those dreams where you wake up intrigued, and wondering if you could make a whole movie out of that experience. Before discarding that thought as obviously silly.