27 Dresses

ykw let's write another personal review that I will deeply regret in a couple days and will probably delete again. and ykw straight to my top 4. basically I was in Tiruchirappalli in August for my cousin's wedding and my pyaari aapa @reenshake and I were just wandering around and we come back to the main hall and my uncle (who me and my fam are pretty close to) stops me and asks me to go get myself dessert and then asked me if I was gonna get married in India or in the US and I just laughed it off by saying "thab ku dekhinge leo naana" ("let's think about that later") to which he laughed and said "okay raja" lol but I've highkey been wondering where I would get married. like I keep hearing about so many aunties near me talking about their daughters' weddings, some want their daughters' to get married in the US and go for a reception in India while some want it the other way around and some just want everything to be done in the US and there are just so many options. and when the daughters were asked where they want to get married most of them say they want to get married in the US cuz they've got their people here and they haven't been in India for a decade or two and it just makes sense for them to get married here BUT NAAKU ALA KAADU ASLSKJDFHAFKJL see basically I've lived in the US my whole life, I have so many people here who are basically family, who've literally seen me ever since I was born and every time I go to their house even now they do feel like family...but never like home, yk. I find a home with my immediate family ofc (my parents basically), but after my first ever solo trip to India in January (almost a year jesus christ) I realized that there are acc so many people I have within my extended family who I used to respect but later realized didn't deserve allat but at the same time I realized that I can find a home that's away from my home, in the form of two cutest cous-- sis-- aapas, a cutie amji, and two cutest grandparents. and there are people that I didn't realize I was so comfortable with, the people who acc felt something positive for me and my immediate family. like they felt like FAMILY family, yk. but at the same time, when I was on that solo trip for a cousin's wedding (a cousin who I barely knew btw), all of the other cousins were so involved and happy about doing all the bride's side things (like stealing the groom's shoes, demanding the groom for money, etc.) and it's like...ayanni naa pelli lo undavu. ante like the rituals themselves will be there just not the excitement cuz we never grew up together, yk. hell I didn't even talk to some of them before this wedding lmfao. so. hmm. on one hand, it's like I want to get married in the US cuz everyone here is everyone I've known and everyone who knows me and there will be some sort of a comfort knowing that yk the people there will be feeling SOMETHING about me getting married cuz they've known me for so long, but at the same time I want to get married in India cuz then it'll feel...complete. like I would have my SISTERS by my side and my BEEBI NAANA cheering for me and my AMJI feeling for me almost as much as my mom and there will be other FAMILY family, but it comes with annoying relatives and a group of cousins who would be forced to be excited for my wedding. but then when I was rewatching this film, I wondered, will all of this really matter? when the groom, MY man, is "waiting for me at the end of the aisle, looking at me the way I'd always hoped"? when I find a HOME home, will it really matter what's going on around me, what everyone else thinks of the scene and me? hmm, it probably shouldn't, kada? at least not to the extent that I'm stressing out to, lol? wouldn't he feel like my other half, the almost-completer of the void I'm always faced with? someone who makes the noise fade out, who makes everything else feel secondary? who makes me feel like I'm worth the celebration (even tho it may be fake lol), who makes me feel less small in this humongous world that feels like it would gobble me up at any given moment? who makes me feel like a main character, cuz I deserve to be one? (idt listening to The Smiths while typing this out is helpful and/or healthy but here we are) so, maybe the answer to my overthinking isn’t India or the US, about who shows up or who actually feels happy for me, maybe it isn’t even about the wedding experience after all. maybe, it's about the home, my HOME home, the one who'll make the expectations and the world in general less overwhelming for me with his jadoo on me lol. maybe it won't matter how perfect or imperfect the wedding is, who's there and who's not. maybe, when he's sitting right next to me holding my hand, everything will just be background. maybe, everything will feel complete regardless of everything else. cuz my man's with me. THE 10% ALCOHOL IN MY COUGH SYRUP IS WORKING OVERTIME MAYBE I SHOULD STOP HERE GUNAI POOKIES