Eighth Grade

Everyday as a teen in a society and world of young peers difficult to navigate around, the main quote that spreads around for advice is “be yourself”, ultimately trying to deviate yourself from caring about others’ perception of you and trying to enter the mindset that your own perception of yourself is the one that only matters. I’d argue it’s hardest to be yourself if anything in these teen years. There’s so many in this age trying to figure out who they are but not knowing how in the midst of their volatile and chaotic emotions of a confused teen, so they take the easy route of latching onto a chain of trends and societal norms of teenage life and the expectation of who they want you to be in order for their approval. It seems easy to latch onto that chain, but seemingly just as impossible as being yourself, as it’s unnatural and awkward to assimilate into those typical teen qualities peers normalize that you’ve never normalized within yourself. Yet we never want to be ourselves for a second, because we fear immense judgement because of being an outside, or have a legion of insecurities or anxiety holding us back. Anxiety is the king of all things I go through as I teen that holds me back from truly becoming a social butterfly, as the same with Kayla.  It’s currently my sophomore year of high school, I’ve yet to make a friend. I’ve had many thoughts and ways I’ve thought of on how I should try to make one. The plan is mapped out perfectly in my head, I recite the words I’ll say in my head over and over in order to manifest that friendship with the person I’m planning to walk up to at school. Once I try to execute the plan and idea in my head in real life scenarios at school, it never works and I never even attempt it. A wave of anxiety crosses my mind, heart and soul and I whimper back into my corner of shyness.  I find many similarities in my scenario to Kayla’s. She has a web of motivation YouTube videos under her belt on how to be confident and how to be herself, yet when she tries to apply her self given advice, she stammers her words and way through social interactions awkwardly and even when that person seemingly does like her, the connect in interests and similar personalities isn’t truly there because Kayla dosent align with the normal way of a “cool teen” that’s confident, showy and charismatic. She walks low and keeps to herself and that’s ok, but sometimes it’s not enough for low attentive teens who hate anything close to something stereotypically boring or basic  I say all this to say, it’s hard to be yourself in a teenage society begging for peer appeal that’s constantly pushing you into a box of a specific persona and it’s hard to align with that persona when you only align with being yourself until this now push pull moment. For anyone who says teens have it easy and getting out of your shell isn’t hard, I think you’re missing the mark and failing to realize that making a big social splash is more nuanced of a challenge to overcome, that has more obstacles than just simply having the mindset that fear is only internalized but not a possible reality than can take shape. I try everyday and I know I can be a faliure sometimes for still being a closed in introvert at this stage of high school, after all I make more social interactions online than In real life. Truth be told though, making friends in a young life world crazed and obsessed with a checklist of boxes for meeting the approval of others isn’t an easy feat.