Beginners

Is it better to live in a dark, unfeeling void, afraid of the feelings and troubles that might come? Should I continue to keep a frail and fragile joke standing as a facade, a hiding place? Do I deserve happiness? It was going to fail before we even met. Tell her the darkness is going to drown us unless something drastic happens right now Because it never worked before, so why would it work now? And then it's me ensuring it won't work to prove my sad existence right.  What use is joy if I deny it in my life? If I can't allow myself to win, why do I try so hard? If I think it's bottomless, why do I dive head first, expecting to find rock bottom? Because deep down, I have hope for myself. There, just bubbling to the surface, is the idea that I deserve joy.  The movie is pretty good I guess