if his wife (sorry, MA WIFE!!!) had really snapped off his cock, it would have saved the censorship editors a world of headache in post-production

faster than a speeding bullet out of the james gunn

i was hoping fore a masterspiece like the original but on the hole, this movie was rough.<br><br>calling Happy Gilmore 2 subpar would be a fairway to describe it.

we need more movies that embrace how unbelievably dumb they are instead of movies that are just as dumb but don’t have liam neeson’s butt hanging out to compensate for it. i could say the same thing about people

i mean it was okay but why were there no explosions or car chases also. this takes slow burn to a whole new level

top 10 unorganized thoughts on TS: (stands for The Shining) 1) furry blowjob 2) dude gotta be an F-tier horror movie killer. like, he couldn’t kill a single family member when delbert merked 3 plus himself 3) the name “delbert” slaps so hard 4) he did blick the npc aka al roker tho  5) i hate it when i kiss sexy naked ladies and then it was actually decaying granny >:( 6) arial font appreciation week 7) did i mention the furry blowjob 8) how did he still get drunk with no booze within a 5 hour drive 9) striking similarities to the hit game luigi’s mansion 3 10) this is what happens when you write, kids

dead body found in the study during the lights sabotage ‼️‼️ it was pretty sus when scarlet and mustard kept venting but i lowk think it was a self report

i always knew john candy mogged

um um excuse me, when i said i wanted pornstar toes that is NOT what i meant

wow two sexy beast movies in a row

…aaaaand that’s why netflix has their oily little fingers all over rian johnson’s ballsack for the rest of his life

quadruple christmas in one movie 🗣️ 🤯 🎁 infinite christmas hack ‼️🎄🤑 ❄️

the moral is daniel radcliffe will always point you in the right erection

“justin timberlake, play a struggling unsuccessful folk musician” incapable of not being the coolest guy you’ll ever see “oscar isaac, play a struggling unsuccessful depressed folk musician who has no money” incapable of not being the hottest guy you’ll ever see “adam driver, play a struggling unsuccessful folk musician who’s a total loser weirdo”  …yeahhh he was born for this

if your decades don’t touch, you don’t touch

i liked it when commissioner Who switched on the grinch signal and the grinch delivered the line “Whoville needs me. Whoville needs vengeance.” before descending from the Grinchcave w his sidekick to unleash vigilante justice on Whoville’s mean streets

this could have been an email

PAN’S LABYRINTH PATCH NOTES v2.0.06 Chalk - NERF change: now only able to create one doorway dev note: this item has been dominating the meta for quite some time now. this change should severely limit its versatility and power ceiling, allowing other strategies to become viable. Labyrinth - NERF change: removed ability to alter reality dev note: although the Labyrinth is a core gameplay element, we felt it just wasn’t offering a significant challenge. in this patch we’re fixing a bug which many players exploited, causing the maze to rearrange its stones and reveal the path to the end. this change should place a greater emphasis on player skill rather than unintended skips. Grapes - BUFF change: added 15-second delay before awakening demon dev note: many players have lamented Grapes as the worst item in the game, and they have a point. instantly triggering a boss fight is a horrible effect with no upside, especially when players already have to deal with the Hourglass’s restrictive playstyle. this change should give players a head start and marginally increase this item’s utility. Kitchen Knife - BUFF change: 1.5x damage increase dev note: this weapon is simply too weak for how late-game it is, often unable to kill high-HP enemies after 3 or more stabs. we want to reward players who can keep it concealed before attacking and hopefully this damage buff achieves that goal. Blood - BUFF change: less blood is required to unlock the secret true ending dev note: though it has powerful synergies with items like Mandrake, many players find this item difficult to use effectively. mainly, the fact that you have to die before it lets you talk to your dead jesus father is unintuitive and most players only discovered this accidentally after being shot.  Pedro - REWORK change: siblings —> dating dev note: ¡pedro, pedro!

one of the most violent episodes of the office

oh please like i haven’t heard this story before a movie where (d)jango, a pistol-slinging bounty hunter, tries to escape with his Slave (I) before fighting Samuel L Jackson to the death? i already know yoda’s showing up any minute (moderate ball knowledge required)

*melodramatic movie trailer voice* in a world… just like ours but with flying bikes for some reason… only one man… can sit still in a chair for 90 minutes. (well, two if you count ice cube) this January… experience gripping action… from way far away through a little blurry floating screen… and on top of that, get ready for… acting. an un-believable story…  from the visionary producer of war of the worlds… you’ll be begging for… MERCY

i much prefer this guy’s art when he’s using anthropomorphic animals instead of people don’t take that out of context

it would have been so clutch if he pulled out an immunity idol at the last second

me: the safdie brothers have the most funnest job ever! me if i was a safdie bro: gem —> colonoscopy sperm —> ping pong ball octopus —> penis pineapple —> booger sports car —> penis roller blades —> cookie monster bunny rabbit —> penis buzz lightyear action figure —> penis statue of liberty —> penis i see the problem now

🦫🪵🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁 born to be fuzz forced to be choppered

pitches over bitches wait no sheers over dears wait no palisades over maids wait no scales over females wait no stones over crones wait no bricks over chicks wait no rocks over frocks wait no ascends over girlfriends ok this was a dumb idea

this is NOT the Super March 10th Galaxy Movie do not make my mistake

all work and no play makes [jeffrey woodcock the new york clothier] a [hungry] boy

intern’s first day at the ghibli factory: “PLEASE can we make a movie where bounty hunter michael keaton is raised from the dead and fights an army of pirates!!” hayao miyazaki: “yeah, right. when pigs fly” miles teller turns his head intern: “say that again”

what happened to jeremy allen white? he looks terrible

Quentin Tarantino borrows a clever naming hack from the hit board game Clue

watched titanic during my 15-hour voyage across the atlantic because i’m the type of beast that stares death right in the eyes and <i>fucking cackles</i>

top five ways to beat the homie in poker RESULTS GUARANTEED 1 - bomb (big dick) 2 - sword (maximize aura) 3 - poison (the most discreet) 4 - gun (ol’ reliable) 5 - strip him naked and hit his balls with a rope (the classic) 6 - well-calculated combination of strategy, luck, and reading the opponent in order to outbid and outbluff his cards (last resort)