"Hal Hefner floated above his life. Saw the world around him as if he were a ghost... Floating through. Nothing could harm him now. Nothing could move him or make him love again. He was that kind of ghost. The kind that couldn't love again. As a boy ghost, Hal Hefner surveyed the world as he knew it. And in everything he saw was evidence that life goes on... With or without love. He had stopped thinking about the girl... Had stopped dreaming about her... Or, even if that wasn't entirely true... Had stopped dreaming a certain kind of dream about her. Well, maybe most of the time. Then spring came, eleven months after his father left. Six months since he last saw Ginny. And six since they'd kissed. It was like he was pretending... Pretending that it could all be what it was. But it can't. You can only pretend for so long before the forces that be... Take that away from you. Just like that, it took off, and he found himself sprinting. It was ridiculous, but he did, he sprinted. You don't let love collapse all around you... And not put up a fight. You punch back... Unless you can find someone else to throw the punch for you. Then, by all means, do that. Eventually, all of this would pass. And the memory of it would give way to embellishment... And fantasy and outright distortion... Until it was hard for Hal Hefner to remember... What he really was like back then. When he still carried in his head the sound... Of a made up perfect voice. The voice that could speak its heart... The voice he used to wish he had... Until the day he stopped wishing he sounded like anyone else... And just started talking as he was."
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have a stutter, I probably wouldn't be as miserable as I am now.
The way I feel about this movie is the same way I feel about The King's Speech. Just like TKS, I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to watch this again, simply because it hits too close to home. Everytime I see these people, I see myself.
The fake-writing in class to avoid being called, the stupid and useless breathing exercises, the weird facial contortions you make trying to force the words out of your throat, despite knowing they won't come out. The ridicule, the depression, the asociality, they're all right there and I'm not ready to confront them.
And maybe it's not that deep, maybe it doesn't matter, people have it worse, but at some point I realized that my stutter defined who I am as a person. So many missed opportunities to meet new people, to do stuff that I like, to live. And I'm stuck with this thing forever, no matter what I do, it'll always be there, eating me from the inside.
I'm almost done with high school and I'm not sure how I'll manage, sometimes I think I wasn't made for this world, everyone else seems to have their shit together while I can't even have a normal conversation.
Knowing that the writer and director of this film, Jeffrey Blitz, actually had a stutter fills me with hope, maybe we can manage.
Ty Jeffrey, for making us feel seen. ❤️🩹
"Hal Hefner floated above his life. Saw the world around him as if he were a ghost... Floating through. Nothing could harm him now. Nothing could move him or make him love again. He was that kind of ghost. The kind that couldn't love again. As a boy ghost, Hal Hefner surveyed the world as he knew it. And in everything he saw was evidence that life goes on... With or without love. He had stopped thinking about the girl... Had stopped dreaming about her... Or, even if that wasn't entirely true... Had stopped dreaming a certain kind of dream about her. Well, maybe most of the time. Then spring came, eleven months after his father left. Six months since he last saw Ginny. And six since they'd kissed. It was like he was pretending... Pretending that it could all be what it was. But it can't. You can only pretend for so long before the forces that be... Take that away from you. Just like that, it took off, and he found himself sprinting. It was ridiculous, but he did, he sprinted. You don't let love collapse all around you... And not put up a fight. You punch back... Unless you can find someone else to throw the punch for you. Then, by all means, do that. Eventually, all of this would pass. And the memory of it would give way to embellishment... And fantasy and outright distortion... Until it was hard for Hal Hefner to remember... What he really was like back then. When he still carried in his head the sound... Of a made up perfect voice. The voice that could speak its heart... The voice he used to wish he had... Until the day he stopped wishing he sounded like anyone else... And just started talking as he was."
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have a stutter, I probably wouldn't be as miserable as I am now.
The way I feel about this movie is the same way I feel about The King's Speech. Just like TKS, I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to watch this again, simply because it hits too close to home. Everytime I see these people, I see myself.
The fake-writing in class to avoid being called, the stupid and useless breathing exercises, the weird facial contortions you make trying to force the words out of your throat, despite knowing they won't come out. The ridicule, the depression, the asociality, they're all right there and I'm not ready to confront them.
And maybe it's not that deep, maybe it doesn't matter, people have it worse, but at some point I realized that my stutter defined who I am as a person. So many missed opportunities to meet new people, to do stuff that I like, to live. And I'm stuck with this thing forever, no matter what I do, it'll always be there, eating me from the inside.
I'm almost done with high school and I'm not sure how I'll manage, sometimes I think I wasn't made for this world, everyone else seems to have their shit together while I can't even have a normal conversation.
Knowing that the writer and director of this film, Jeffrey Blitz, actually had a stutter fills me with hope, maybe we can manage.
Ty Jeffrey, for making us feel seen. ❤️🩹
